Are you wearing? # 1

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING A CORSET?

Are you wearing a corset?
All whalebone and string
A beautiful thing to behold
A lustfully sexy thing
Pulling you in at the waist
And redistributing everything
A little discomfort for you
In the whalebone and string
But it’s a small price to pay
For the joy it will bring

ARE YOU WEARING A GIRDLE?

Are you wearing a girdle?
That’s a problem Mrs Spurdle,
Not an insurmountable hurdle
But due to the snugness of the fit
Prizing all of you, out of, all of it
Might slow me down a bit

ARE YOU WEARING A WONDER BRA?

Are you wearing a wonder bra?
I think you almost certainly are
If you’re not I’ll eat my cigar
Because nature isn’t that bizarre
And doesn’t push them up that far

ARE YOU WEARING A BRASSIERE?

Are you wearing a brassiere?
You seem to have a pretty pair
Though I don’t think you’re being fair
Because I know you don’t I Clair
And I must honestly declare
To have spent some time up there
And if it’s not a padded brassier
You’ve got a pair of socks up there

ARE YOU WEARING LILY OF THE VALLEY?

Are you wearing
“Lily of the valley”?
It smells very much
Like you are Sally
So don’t deny it
I can tell that it’s true
“Lily of the valley”?
How old are you?

ARE YOU WEARING BODY PAINT?

Are you wearing body paint?
Don’t tell me that you aint
Now you’ve got me in a fluster
I can see its glorious lustre
What a sexy sight to savour
What? It’s chocolate flavour?
Don’t tease me now stop it
There’s only one thing can top it
I’ll tell you and no mistake
And that’s a Cadbury’s flake

ARE YOU WEARING A FLOWER?

Are you wearing a flower?
Pinned to your lapel
A Rose or a Carnation
So your date can easily tell
Who you are in the crowd
And you can see them as well

But if you cannot spot them
Stood beneath the tower
And you find yourself alone
Long after the allotted hour
Somewhere on the floor
Will be a discarded flower

ARE YOU WEARING UNDER CRACKERS?

Are you wearing under crackers?
To cover up your knackers
Is the boxer revolution
Your best underwear solution
Or do they dangle to and fro
As you walk about commando

ARE YOU WEARING A WEDDING RING?

Are you wearing a wedding ring?
Well never mind about that old thing
You’re only married, you haven’t died
Come on you know you want to inside
Don’t worry about the wedding ring
Come on have some fun let’s have a fling

ARE YOU WEARING AN ENGAGEMENT RING?

Are you wearing an engagement ring?
Oh isn’t it a beautifully sparkly thing
It clearly signifies as it sparkles in the light
That you haven’t yet married Mr Right
So even if the answer might well be no
It’s definitely well worth giving it a go

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING SHOCKING?

Are you wearing something shocking?
Beneath your beautiful wedding dress
Well it’s not the stockings and suspenders
But your tattooed arse that will cause distress