Fisherman's Wharf

[IceM]

On August nights by the bay,
after the weary sun dips below the sea
and the stars dimly blink against the opaque sky,
I imagine us sitting at the café,
where the shimmering edges of the midnight tide,
pale as the moon’s dreary gaze,
lap at our toes like a faithful hound.

With warm mugs of fresh-made tea,
we would watch wisps of steam fade away
like dandelion seeds in the summer wind, that,
indistinct against the heavens,
are lost in the dawn of the coming day.

And, lying on the lonely beach,
blanketed in the tide’s threadbare touch
and clutched in the grasp of my embrace,
we would patiently await the time when we,
like all that came before today,
would succumb to time and turn to dust.

[Hawkman]

Hi Ice,

I really like this poem. It is as rythmic as the tide, and a very pleasant read. There are only 3 lines which don't quite work for me. The first one, which on initial reading isn't really noticable as a niggle, but kind of sneaks up on me. Why, I ask, do you tell us you are talking about nights when you go on to tell us it's after sunset and the stars are out, or at least behind clouds?

The other two lines are in the last verse.

"blanketed in the tide’s threadbare touch
and clutched in the grasp of my embrace,"

is "blanketed" the right word here? We are talking about water and for me at least it doesn't fit as a description. Then there is the repetition of tide and "threadbare touch". Well yes, I can associate threadbare and blanket, but as I said before, not with tides or water. What quality of the tide are you trying to convey with this metaphor?

The other line says clutched in the grasp of N's embrace but then you indicate that both the narator and another are clutched in the N's embrace. He's clutching himself as well? this is the most problematic part of the poem. Not sure I like clutched in the grasp of my embrace, anyway. All three words mean to hold, so it's tautologous overkill.

It doesn't need much to make it perfect though, and you consistently write to a high standard. It's always a pleasure to read you.

Live and be well - H