The Things I Cannot See

[hallaig]

The Things I Cannot See


This is the time of the long darkness,
when my parents said the dead walked.
I see the mist of rain on leaves like tears
and I too believe in things I cannot see,
you in your sadness now, for instance,
impossible for me to smooth away.

I believe in boredom that turns the clocks,
in the atomic gap between my kids playing
on the carpet now and leaving home.
I believe in love as unfathomable as oceans
on old maps. At night or in the mornings
before the day’s trap springs they crowd in,

the things I believe in but cannot see.
They will have their say,
like the pistons of the universe or tides.
If at night I cry out or think of you
in the place you have been set, it’s just me,
believing most in the things I cannot see.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Truly a cry from an honestly befuddled heart. Magnificent poetry, some lines & images are breathtaking.

[Hawkman]

This is a lovely poem, hallaig but you do have a confusion of past and present in S1 L2. You start in the present, "This is the time of the long darkness,"

Then you swap to a report from the past, "when, my parents said, the dead walked." walked should be walk. "This is the time of the long darkness when the dead walk." if you extract the subordinate clause you can see why it should be walk.

However, this is the only serious flaw in an exceptionally well crafted Memento Mori, style poem, contrasting images of the past, present and future to good effect. Haunting images. I enjoyed the read.

Live and be well - H

[BookBeauty]

Wonderful, beautiful poem. :)

[Delta40]

The poem really takes off for me in S2 & S3 and I loved the images you used Hallaig. Thoughts certainly to chew over.

[Bar22do]

Hallaig, we have not read you for long and here you come back with this fine, sincere, straightforward poem, whose images are beautiful both to read and to "see", however sad; some break one's heart but in the background one feels the quiet, dignified acceptation which reconciles one with both life and its disappearance... congratulations for this work and best from Bar...

[Buh4Bee]

A very smooth read. Much enjoyed.

[WolfLarsen]

My favorite lines were:

This is the time of the long darkness,
when my parents said the dead walked.
I see the mist of rain on leaves like tears
and I too believe in things I cannot see,

I believe in boredom that turns the clocks,
in the atomic gap between my kids playing
on the carpet now and leaving home.

like the pistons of the universe

[Jack of Hearts]

Great poem, hall.







J

[Apostrophe]

One of those poems that tugs at you. Oh, if nothing else, we can believe in poetry...

[Buh4Bee]

One of those poems that tugs at you. Oh, if nothing else, we can believe in poetry...

agreed.

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi hallaig,
just wanted to add to the praise steeped upon your posting. I feel a great empathy with this poem.
best wishes
JB

[aliengirl]

It is one of those poems you like to re-read when you are alone. Sad, sincere, unforgettable. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Very good.

[Ozy]

Incredible poem... for the minute or so that I read it I was completely taken by some of the lines. Excellent work!