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Volya
02-06-2012, 06:17 PM
Sweat dripped down my arched back as I struggled to push the heavy cart forwards through the tunnel. It was my first day in the mines and already I was feeling the intense pains and discomforts that are associated with it. What made it worse was that I knew that tomorrow I would have to get up at six o’clock in the morning again, and come back down this dark pit to keep digging.

I looked forward ahead of me and could see the end of the tunnel in the distance, and I renewed my efforts, desperately hoping I could finish my job and get home quick. After another hour of stumbling over the tracks, scraping my spine against the roof and whacking my head on the supports; I eventually reached the end of the tunnel. Wiping the sticky mixture of coal-dust and sweat from my forehead, I deposited my load of coal onto the big rolling conveyor belt which would take it to trucks, to be distributed around the country.

Walking into the cramped lift, already packed with other miners, I was reminded of the stench of sweat, blood and dirt that lingered on all the workers clothes, including mine. The iron mesh slid shut behind me as the lift began the shaky journey back up to the surface far above us. The clattering, scraping noise of the lift being winched up made me fear that the mechanisms would break, and send us all plummeting to our death. I had heard too many tales about rusty chains breaking, and the poor miners not even realizing that their lift was falling until they reached the bottom and died almost instantly.
But for today, we had avoided death for a little longer. We soon reached surface-level and as soon as the doors slid up I quickly got out, not wanting to spend any more time in that place than I had too.

I wearily walked over to the water troughs nearby, and splashed some water onto my face to wash off the worst of the coal. There was no hot water or soap, so I’d have to wait ‘til I got home before I washed my clothes.
I joined the long line of miners heading towards the exit, all slowly making their way down to the train station, where the coal we had only just dug up would be used to power our way home. As we neared the platform, I heard the shrill whistle of the train pierce the air, signaling that the train was about to leave.

I didn’t bother walking any faster, I knew they would wait for everyone to get on board, making two trips there and back would use too much coal. I walked in the doors just as the last few workers boarded it, and it started moving almost the instant I got in. As we pulled away from the platform I looked out as the dark grey landscape rolled by.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow.
It's always the same.

===============

My first short story. Please keep in mind I'm only 14 so I'm sorry if it's not very good.

Jassy Melson
02-07-2012, 12:26 PM
This is an excellent descriptive piece of what it's like to be a coal miner, and the last sentence completes the tragedy. The whole thing is admirably restrained--there is no sentimentality or romanticism. This is reality for a lot of people.

WolfLarsen
02-07-2012, 01:37 PM
Hey you adults! Pay attention! Here's a 14-year-old that writes better than most of you!

We need more of this kind of writing. Writing with an educational purpose. Writing that shows the struggles of our class!

Volya
02-07-2012, 05:49 PM
Wow, thanks for the nice response guys :)
Although I must confess, I did take a lot of inspiration for this from George Orwell's The Road to Wigan Pier
But again, thanks for the really kind comments, I might try and write some more short stories now :)

cafolini
02-07-2012, 06:08 PM
A good piece, fair and square.

Delta40
02-07-2012, 07:12 PM
I think it is a well written piece and bravo to you Volya. The only criticism I would give it is that considering it is the character's first day on the job, he seems very well seasoned and knowledgeable about the routine lives of miners and the way the mine operates even up to the last two lines which leads me to suggest the story needs either fleshing out or something more (for example, is he the son of a miner who grew up hearing the tales, waiting for his father to return home on the one only train trip and knew well the humdrum existence of being a miner)

Other than that, I would say you're off to a great start and I look forward to reading more of your work. Welcome to Lit-Net!