That's Depression

[smerdyakov]

when the sun comes in the room like a nagging voice
that’s depression.

when you hit the snooze button for 3pm
that's depression.
when you have dinner at god knows when
when you never want to see the daylight again
that’s depression.

when voices jab your ear like hot pokers
that's depression.
when the only motivation to get up out of bed is hunger.
that;s depression.
when the drone of the day just makes you wish you were deaf
that’s depression.

when you’re as mad as hell and you can't take it anymore
that's depression.
when it's too big to put your finger on
that's depression.
when the buzzards keep circling
that’s depression.

[BookBeauty]

This poem speaks for itself!

[Charles Darnay]

When an elephant said "I'll sit on your head"
That's depressin'

When your bouncy castle is full and the material starts to pull
That's depressin'

When a pop is made near your souffle, the one you worked on all day
That's depressin'

[Hawkman]

Well it certainly lists the symptoms well enough. I would however take issue with the presentation. I hope you don't mind if I suggest that as a poem it would benefit from a little tweaking. As it stands, a succession of single lines followed by an overly repetitive, "that's depression," it becomes a bit irritating after stanza 3. I'd recommend splitting the single lines with sympathetic line breaks and allowing them to flow together, say in groups of three, which then conclude with the refrain.

Just a suggestion though.

Live and be well - H

[Darcy88]

The second and last stanzas are very, very true.

[tonywalt]

It's in the general direction of Charles Bukowski in it's confessional(maybe) and intimate way.

[YesNo]

I don't know if the "mad as hell" is correct, but there might be a stanza for fear.

I will hazard that the cure is to get out of bed, eat breakfast, clean the house or room you live in, get to school or work on time, and pay attention to whatever feelings the depression is causing head on rather than wait until it goes away.

[Charles Darnay]

Sorry, I can't get past the Dean Martin presentation, and the first line which robs anything that follows of a "serious, meaningful discourse on a very serious issue."

[smerdyakov]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Just havin a bit of a dabble. I think most of us can relate to at least some of these conditions. :)
Charles, That's amore!

[Jack of Hearts]

When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel a little splatter,
that's depression.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie,
that's depression.

Liked it, smerd.









J

[tonywalt]

I weirdly like this redubbing of the song. Ring-a-ding ding.

[AuntShecky]

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie,
that's depression.


No, that's $10.75 (Plus tax and gratituity.)

[Jack of Hearts]

No, that's $10.75 (Plus tax and gratituity.)

Haha, nice.







J

[smerdyakov]

Cheers guys, glad yiz liked it.
:smile5:

[smerdyakov]

No, that's $10.75 (Plus tax and gratituity.)

I don't get it.

[Delta40]

Well it certainly lists the symptoms well enough. I would however take issue with the presentation. I hope you don't mind if I suggest that as a poem it would benefit from a little tweaking. As it stands, a succession of single lines followed by an overly repetitive, "that's depression," it becomes a bit irritating after stanza 3. I'd recommend splitting the single lines with sympathetic line breaks and allowing them to flow together, say in groups of three, which then conclude with the refrain.

Just a suggestion though.

Live and be well - H

I don't know if I agree in this case. The whole thing about depression is its never ending cycle. A sickening repetiveness (oh god somebody please just make it go away!) Smer has achieved this.

[smerdyakov]

Cheers Delta :)
At the end of the day it's just a poem and is not autobiographical. I'm Irish - there's no such thing as depression over here :)

[Delta40]

Cheers Delta :)
At the end of the day it's just a poem and is not autobiographical. I'm Irish - there's no such thing as depression over here :)

Really? I'd refer to a certain thread in serious discussions as the possible cause to back your statement but I'm just so depressed right now I don't have the energy :biggrinjester:

[smerdyakov]

Ha! You'll be alright :D