jahw
01-30-2012, 12:37 AM
So I'm writing a story about time travel and i need you guys to tell me how you think I'm doing. I'm writing and uploading to mainly to DeviantArt but I felt I should probably post it here. I've completed 2 chapters (their pretty short to be called chapters, though), so to not make this post a billion miles long I'm going to put the preface and chapter one here and links afterwards. Please tell me what you think, either here or on DeviantArt!
PREFACE
Many people seem to think they've got the universe pretty much figured out from their standpoint. The way they see it, all that matters is their daily routine. They wake up,have a basic breakfast of toast or something, go do whatever it is people do at work, come home, eat again, and sleep. This gives them a pretty straightforward view of the universe: gravity pulls down, bananas grow on trees, cause leads to effect, and nothing truly interesting ever happens. All of these notions are completely wrong, and it takes a truly smart person to see that nothing makes any sort of sense. When people do realize this they often try to figure out why this is, but no one has even come close to the real reason.
Gravity, for its part, does not always pull down. Around four times a day, in fact, it can be actively seen to pull up, creating a bulge of water across the surface of the planet earth. As for bananas, nobody on earth seems yet to have noticed that they come from space. The last two misconceptions, however, are of special importance. Something incredibly interesting is in fact about to happen to Terrence H. Calmar, and in happening will completely shatter cause an effect. This is because, contrary to popular belief, a cause does not always cause its effect. Sometimes, in those rare, special moments, an effect can affect its cause.
Chapter One
Your Everyday Temporal Rendering
Terrence H. Calmar was a man whom no one cared about and lived on a neglected back street in a small town in the middle of nowhere near some woods no one really knew the name of in a state that few people even cared to visit on a planet the only worth of which is that has nice places for Saturday picnics. This will all change in about 1600 years. Around that time Terrence's home will be the site of a massive glass shopping mall that people come from other countries to see, the woods will have the official name of "Groombert Meadows" for no particular reason, and Terrence will be the most important creature in the entire universe. Plus, earth will no longer be suitable for extraterrestrial picnics. That is, not without a passport.
At this boring era in the universe, however, it is a small part of "whocares" smack dab in the middle of nowhereland. Terrence, to his credit, does not mind. What he does mind is that today is Tuesday. In his eyes, the world could do well to get rid of Tuesdays. They are too early in the week to let you get excited about a weekend off but not early enough that complaining about it makes you feel better. If it being Tuesday wasn't bad enough, on this particular Tuesday he has had several headaches, had to stay at work late anyway, got bit by a dog, and couldn't stop arguing with himself over what to buy at the local grocery store.
"That looks nice. You don't need it. But it would taste good. You don't have much money with you, so only get what you need. Well, how about this? Too salty." Terrence thought to himself. On and on the argument went, one voice saying yes and the other no. He knew he should have brought more money, but he wasn't really in much of a thoughtful mood when he stormed off the store. He tended to get hungry when he was angry or worried, and today had not been very happy. As an added bonus he was now getting annoyed at his indecisiveness, making him just a little bit hungrier, which made him more annoyed. On the bright side he had a fast metabolism and didn't collect much food as fat so he could eat whatever he wanted. He just had to figure out what that was first.
Eventually he decided upon some cinnamon rolls. They were large, full of sugar, and delicious looking. The decision to get them had not been entirely unanimous but he had decided upon that and was soon walking out of the store with them in hand. His home was not very far away so he set off down the road walking. He was still thinking about cinnamon when, about halfway to his home, Terrence jumped back in complete surprise, almost dropping the cinnamon rolls. He then stood there gaping in disbelief for several seconds until a man walking by stopped and asked, "Hey buddy, you okay?"
"Wh- What?" Terrence asked, realizing what he was doing.
"You alright? Your sitting there gaping at nothing. Is anything wrong?" the man asked.
"Huh? Oh. It... It must have been a bird." Terrence replied.
"Well, alright. You be alright, sir." The man said and walked off. Somewhat shaken up, Terrence continued his way down the road, still without a clue as to what had surprised him so much. 10 minutes later, when rounding a bend and almost in sight of home, Terrence's life changed completely.
Terrence was walking along, now thinking about alligators for some reason, when suddenly there was a bright purple flash of light. To Terrence's surprise this did not surprise him. The blinding light lingered for about a second and then went out, revealing a very strange contraption. Where previously there had been air was now what looked like a motor boat covered in lights, panels, switches, wires, and buttons of all sorts. It was held above the ground by 4 metal stands that looked retractable. Sitting in the boat were two people, one of which looked extremely familiar.
The familiar man leaped out and stood in in front of Terrence. "Ah! You must be Terrence H. Calmar! I finally found you!"
"Found me? Who are you? Why do you look like-" Terrence started to say.
"Listen. I'd say that soon everything would make sense but I would be lying. You just have to believe me when I say that I am you from the future and you need to take this machine and go save the world." Terrence 2 interrupted.
"I do?" Terrence one asked.
"Yes and- huh. I remember being quite a lot more surprised when I found out" Terrence 2 replied.
"I'm noticing a bit of an odd temporal anomaly. It could be that all of the surprise will be felt soon or already has been" The strange man in the time machine said.
"I see. That makes sense." Terrence 2 said.
"What?! No it doesn't! And who is that anyway?!" Terrence cut in.
"Listen, Terrence. That explanation we just got is going to be the most understandable thing your going to experience for a while. And that person is God." Terrence 2 replied.
"God." Terrence said without any surprise at the time.
"Yes. Now you need to go in there and save the world. God should have already set the time-space coordinate things" Terrence 2 said with a note of finality.
"I- I can't save the world! W- Why me?!" Terrence said, realizing he should be startled by all this.
"Because I did" Terrence 2 replied as the man who supposedly was God climbed out of the time-boat.
"Wait, wait. Your telling me that, because an older version of you appeared in a time machine and told you to save the world, you went and saved the world and are now here to tell me to save the world?" Terrence said.
"Yes." Terrence 2 said.
"That doesn't make any sense!" Terrence shouted.
"Off you go!" Terrence 2 shouted back and shoved Terrence into the boat. There was a beep, a shake that felt like it happened in every direction at once, and everything turned purple.
Chapter 2:
http://jahw.deviantart.com/art/Cause-Effect-And-Other-Nonsense-Chapter-Two-282291837
Chapter 3:
http://jahw.deviantart.com/#/d4o93xq
PREFACE
Many people seem to think they've got the universe pretty much figured out from their standpoint. The way they see it, all that matters is their daily routine. They wake up,have a basic breakfast of toast or something, go do whatever it is people do at work, come home, eat again, and sleep. This gives them a pretty straightforward view of the universe: gravity pulls down, bananas grow on trees, cause leads to effect, and nothing truly interesting ever happens. All of these notions are completely wrong, and it takes a truly smart person to see that nothing makes any sort of sense. When people do realize this they often try to figure out why this is, but no one has even come close to the real reason.
Gravity, for its part, does not always pull down. Around four times a day, in fact, it can be actively seen to pull up, creating a bulge of water across the surface of the planet earth. As for bananas, nobody on earth seems yet to have noticed that they come from space. The last two misconceptions, however, are of special importance. Something incredibly interesting is in fact about to happen to Terrence H. Calmar, and in happening will completely shatter cause an effect. This is because, contrary to popular belief, a cause does not always cause its effect. Sometimes, in those rare, special moments, an effect can affect its cause.
Chapter One
Your Everyday Temporal Rendering
Terrence H. Calmar was a man whom no one cared about and lived on a neglected back street in a small town in the middle of nowhere near some woods no one really knew the name of in a state that few people even cared to visit on a planet the only worth of which is that has nice places for Saturday picnics. This will all change in about 1600 years. Around that time Terrence's home will be the site of a massive glass shopping mall that people come from other countries to see, the woods will have the official name of "Groombert Meadows" for no particular reason, and Terrence will be the most important creature in the entire universe. Plus, earth will no longer be suitable for extraterrestrial picnics. That is, not without a passport.
At this boring era in the universe, however, it is a small part of "whocares" smack dab in the middle of nowhereland. Terrence, to his credit, does not mind. What he does mind is that today is Tuesday. In his eyes, the world could do well to get rid of Tuesdays. They are too early in the week to let you get excited about a weekend off but not early enough that complaining about it makes you feel better. If it being Tuesday wasn't bad enough, on this particular Tuesday he has had several headaches, had to stay at work late anyway, got bit by a dog, and couldn't stop arguing with himself over what to buy at the local grocery store.
"That looks nice. You don't need it. But it would taste good. You don't have much money with you, so only get what you need. Well, how about this? Too salty." Terrence thought to himself. On and on the argument went, one voice saying yes and the other no. He knew he should have brought more money, but he wasn't really in much of a thoughtful mood when he stormed off the store. He tended to get hungry when he was angry or worried, and today had not been very happy. As an added bonus he was now getting annoyed at his indecisiveness, making him just a little bit hungrier, which made him more annoyed. On the bright side he had a fast metabolism and didn't collect much food as fat so he could eat whatever he wanted. He just had to figure out what that was first.
Eventually he decided upon some cinnamon rolls. They were large, full of sugar, and delicious looking. The decision to get them had not been entirely unanimous but he had decided upon that and was soon walking out of the store with them in hand. His home was not very far away so he set off down the road walking. He was still thinking about cinnamon when, about halfway to his home, Terrence jumped back in complete surprise, almost dropping the cinnamon rolls. He then stood there gaping in disbelief for several seconds until a man walking by stopped and asked, "Hey buddy, you okay?"
"Wh- What?" Terrence asked, realizing what he was doing.
"You alright? Your sitting there gaping at nothing. Is anything wrong?" the man asked.
"Huh? Oh. It... It must have been a bird." Terrence replied.
"Well, alright. You be alright, sir." The man said and walked off. Somewhat shaken up, Terrence continued his way down the road, still without a clue as to what had surprised him so much. 10 minutes later, when rounding a bend and almost in sight of home, Terrence's life changed completely.
Terrence was walking along, now thinking about alligators for some reason, when suddenly there was a bright purple flash of light. To Terrence's surprise this did not surprise him. The blinding light lingered for about a second and then went out, revealing a very strange contraption. Where previously there had been air was now what looked like a motor boat covered in lights, panels, switches, wires, and buttons of all sorts. It was held above the ground by 4 metal stands that looked retractable. Sitting in the boat were two people, one of which looked extremely familiar.
The familiar man leaped out and stood in in front of Terrence. "Ah! You must be Terrence H. Calmar! I finally found you!"
"Found me? Who are you? Why do you look like-" Terrence started to say.
"Listen. I'd say that soon everything would make sense but I would be lying. You just have to believe me when I say that I am you from the future and you need to take this machine and go save the world." Terrence 2 interrupted.
"I do?" Terrence one asked.
"Yes and- huh. I remember being quite a lot more surprised when I found out" Terrence 2 replied.
"I'm noticing a bit of an odd temporal anomaly. It could be that all of the surprise will be felt soon or already has been" The strange man in the time machine said.
"I see. That makes sense." Terrence 2 said.
"What?! No it doesn't! And who is that anyway?!" Terrence cut in.
"Listen, Terrence. That explanation we just got is going to be the most understandable thing your going to experience for a while. And that person is God." Terrence 2 replied.
"God." Terrence said without any surprise at the time.
"Yes. Now you need to go in there and save the world. God should have already set the time-space coordinate things" Terrence 2 said with a note of finality.
"I- I can't save the world! W- Why me?!" Terrence said, realizing he should be startled by all this.
"Because I did" Terrence 2 replied as the man who supposedly was God climbed out of the time-boat.
"Wait, wait. Your telling me that, because an older version of you appeared in a time machine and told you to save the world, you went and saved the world and are now here to tell me to save the world?" Terrence said.
"Yes." Terrence 2 said.
"That doesn't make any sense!" Terrence shouted.
"Off you go!" Terrence 2 shouted back and shoved Terrence into the boat. There was a beep, a shake that felt like it happened in every direction at once, and everything turned purple.
Chapter 2:
http://jahw.deviantart.com/art/Cause-Effect-And-Other-Nonsense-Chapter-Two-282291837
Chapter 3:
http://jahw.deviantart.com/#/d4o93xq