Obsession

[Jerrybaldy]

This obsession to bleed
imagine and dither, in lines
that insist upon endless cycles
of addiction,
seeking answers to questions,
I fail to possess,
the eloquence
of understanding, to ask.
I seek to escape this love
that laughs behind my back,
that comes and then goes,
that shows me a crack,
where the light splits a colon
and my very next w o r d
is my last.

[Delta40]

Very dark and with a self harming theme. Open to all manner of interpretation.

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you Delta. Its just about writing poetry (here)

[Haunted]

The self-deprecation at the end of the poem can't be more gracefully done. I won't accept the notion of the "last word". Coming from JB every word from is lasting.

what a great line this is:

I seek to escape this love
that laughs behind my back

[BookBeauty]

I really, really love this. The words play so well against each other. There are hard and soft notes that hit the point home and make it mean so much more. But, yes. Delta said it best. :)

[Bar22do]

For me, the best moment here is

I seek to escape this love
that laughs behind my back

enjoyed


Bar

[Hawkman]

There is a problem with the punctuation in this one JB. As it stands it is a very awkward read, especially in the middle part where the sense of what you are saying becomes a bit obscure. Some of the line-breaks are a little unsympathetic. I'm not keen on the repetition of seeking/seek and I'd recommend changing the seek for another word. "I fail to possess," sounds nice and has a good rhythem, but it doesn't work in situe. It over extends the line and the way you've inserted it as another subordinate clause, just muddies the water before the payoff. I'm in two minds as to whether the repetition of 'that' is problematic. There is nice assonance in the succession of flat a sounds in this bit, but I've suggested an alternative wording which is equally as good without repeating a word.

"This obsession to bleed,
imagine and dither
in lines that insist upon endless cycles
of addiction,
seeking answers to questions
I lack the eloquence
of understanding to ask.
I long to escape this love
that laughs behind my back,
that comes, then goes
and shows me a crack,
where the light splits a colon
and my very next w o r d
is my last."

I confess that my initial interpretation of this poem was centred around cancer. It was the mention of bleeding and the specific reference to a colon which suggested this to me. Why choose this particular punctuation mark, and why would light split it? As an ode to the creative process it does make a bit more sense :D

An interesting read.

Live and be well - H

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you Haunted, Book beauty and Bar.

Hawk, that is some in depth reply thank you very much and I agree with the changes you have made to this, it does read better.

Regards the colon..... the light is me seeing the light to end this obsession and it splits a colon (in half) thereby leaving a full stop. Convoluted .... definitely :) never expected it would be understood.

Thanks again for such an in depth response and taking the time.

cheers
JerryB

[Little Gal]

I don wanna dig into a "why"... tired of it. Simply loved it.... JB... :)
especially the lines...
" I seek to escape this love
that laughs behind my back,
that comes and then goes "