Winter Breath

[Bar22do]

“Yet death is something that happens: how does a man die?
Yet each of us earns his death, his own death, which belongs to no one else
and this game is life.” (Giorgos Seferis, The Last Day)

Winter Breath

Only stare at me,
keep your eyes large open --
stare at me,
your thin breath grazes my cheek,
we can escape the bleeping ward
and run again careless among the anemones,
arms like torrents of winter light in pine needles --
or investigate the cries of crows, no, not South,
but East, where wishes are fulfilled
we will grow muslin wings to shield
our phoenix years --
in the copse of olive trees
tarry a little, I will
gently pull your eyelids shut
not to blush when I try to lift up branches
reflecting in the puddle.

(Jerusalem, January 27, 2012)

[PrinceMyshkin]

First, the odd synchronicity in the quotation you include, as I am working on a poem that will (thus far) begin:

Each one dies in his or her own way
but 2nd, 3rd and last, how graceful and heartfelt this is. There are some lines in it, e.g. your thin breath grazes my cheek thatstand out even among all these excellent lines.

May you continue to write poetry as deeply and (I hope) as gratefully as you breathe.

[Bar22do]

Quite a coincidence, isn't it. Seferis is one of my preferred poets, too.

Thanks Prince for your kind feedback. All my best. Bar

[cacian]

This is a fine read with beatutiful lines

no, not South,
but East, where wishes are fulfilled
we will grow muslin wings to shield
our phoenix years --

I like these lines.
Great piece!!

[aliengirl]

Is Jerusalem redolent of the aroma of poetry? How natural! how fluent! Thanks for sharing dear.

[Haunted]

How your lovely writing transcends the most heartbreaking moment — the final "parting" reflected in the lifting of branches. So beautiful, I feel like crying.

... I will
gently pull your eyelids shut
not to blush when I try to lift up branches
reflecting in the puddle.

[BookBeauty]

I love the rhythm, and the wordplay in this piece. Such fragile, soft, contrasting imagery.

[Bar22do]

Thanks so much cacian, aliengirl, Haunted and BookBeauty for taking your time to read and for appreciating this little thing. With my best regards, Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

Hello Bar.

I confess I had to google 'tarry', I had a suspicion it meant to hurry... turns out I could not have been more wrong! :D

Your poem reads beautifully. I read it that N is sat in a hospital with a dying loved one. It is heartbreaking. The last two lines I could not unravel....

Best Wishes
JerryB

[Bar22do]

Hello Bar.

I confess I had to google 'tarry', I had a suspicion it meant to hurry... turns out I could not have been more wrong! :D

Your poem reads beautifully. I read it that N is sat in a hospital with a dying loved one. It is heartbreaking. The last two lines I could not unravel....

Best Wishes
JerryB

Thanks Jerry, the poem was about that particular death (see Seferis's quotation to my poem) made easier (hopefully...) by N's talking to the dying person and thus kind of taking him out of the hospital to die in the fields; the end tried to express that nothing now is left in N's hand as she picks up only a reflection of tree branches from the puddle. I guess it might not have worked well enough to be clear to the reader. Something I must reconsider, than.

However, am grateful for your reading and commenting and wish you the best, Bar

[Haunted]

Thanks Jerry, the poem was about that particular death (see Seferis's quotation to my poem) made easier (hopefully...) by N's talking to the dying person and thus kind of taking him out of the hospital to die in the fields; the end tried to express that nothing now is left in N's hand as she picks up only a reflection of tree branches from the puddle. I guess it might not have worked well enough to be clear to the reader. Something I must reconsider, than.

oh God no, don't change a thing. I know EXACTLY what you are saying, as you can see from my earlier comment. It's so moving when N closes the eyes of the loved one who just passed away.

Those who missed the message, there's still beauty they enjoyed. For those who see it for what it is, more power to the poem.

This piece, along with This Is How, are your finest moments.

My heart goes out to you Bar.

love from haunted xoxo

[Bar22do]

Haunted, you're not only such a fine reader, always providing in-depth reviews, but also a noble, generous soul, with an encouraging word for all. May you be understood as you understand others with your unique, reflective empathy.
Thank you million! Bar

[AuntShecky]

As is the case in many of your offerings, the most startling and unique feature of this one is its word choice-- the words are not the ones readers would automatically think of themselves, and at first they seems almost strange, until it dawns on us these choices were absolutely right. (Not to ply you with flattery, but this is a comment often used to describe Mozart's music-- that a particular note isn't the one that listeners would assume he would've put there but an entirely different note--maybe a half-step down or up--that makes the opus extraordinary.)

The particular words that fulfill this are "anemones"-- the cup-shaped blossoms that herald the coming spring or "rebirth", and "Phoenix" (not the Arizona cowtown but the fabled bird who burns to death and returns to life out of the ashes.) There is "death" imagery in this piece, but not of the morbid variety. "Copse" meaning a clump of trees is just a letter shy of being a near-anagram of "corpse," and "muslin," the fabric associated with shrouds is also the luxurious material woven into fine sheets and pillowcases.
The motif of closing the departed's eyes is expressed not sorrowfully but with love.

As to the epigraph (the quoted opening line.) It's thought-provoking but if you'll allow me, I'd much prefer one of Woody Allen's lines: "I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

(That's^^^^ just Auntie kidding around.)

[Bar22do]

Dear Auntie, this is all because I'm a gifted foreigner eager to content you :smile5:, but your analysis is outstanding; yes, I chose copse over grove because of its closeness to corpse and muslin too is connected in my mind with both shrouds and delicate beauty.

I'm glad you've found something to like in my offering. Now, to illustrate what's said of Mozart so justly, please hear an example (famous!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjZylz3nCwQ

and perhaps, if you read the whole poem by G. Seferis, you'll find my quotation more grounded... here it is:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/181848

(I have read most of Seferis in French and have found this particular English translation rather pale by contrast, but I guess one is to know Greek to appreciate fully)


Thank you so much for your devoted comment, Auntie.

My best to you,

Bar

[kittypaws]

Bar....this poem of yours is touching and the choice of words is perfect.

I agree with Haunted ~ don't change a thing.

kittypaws

[Bar22do]

Thank you kittypaws for your kind words! I'm so busy these days, will be commenting soon again... best to you,
Bar