Never Truly Gone

[ShadowFire]

Never Truly Gone

Thousands of diamonds
Trapped, caught in darkness
Alone and forever cold
Yet they burn on
Eternally fighting to live

The silver moon
Always gracing our night
Catching every drifting dream
Crying for the hurting
Dying for the night

The poison night
A blanket for eyes
Never truly gone
Secretly lurking in shadows
Neither living nor dead

[Bar22do]

"The night a blanket for eyes" is well found, Shadowfire! but I confess, I don't really know what is your well flowing poem about... thanks for sharing, all the same!!! Bar

[Charles Darnay]

I have to agree with the above. There are some beautiful images (if not a little cliché) and the lines flow very nicely - but there seems to be little in the way of meaning.

[Delta40]

Pain?

[ShadowFire]

First thing, thank you guys so much for commenting!

Pain is one way to put the meaning. It was more struggle. I was feeling really down at the time, so I tried to convey a sense of helplessness: the stars trapped though they carry on, the moon crying for the hurt, and lastly the night for always being there unable to live nor die. I was trying to look at the world a little differently.

[cafolini]

This is probably the pain of unavoidable destiny after the ceasing of anything organic. To neither live nor die forever.

[Delta40]

First thing, thank you guys so much for commenting!

Pain is one way to put the meaning. It was more struggle. I was feeling really down at the time, so I tried to convey a sense of helplessness: the stars trapped though they carry on, the moon crying for the hurt, and lastly the night for always being there unable to live nor die. I was trying to look at the world a little differently.

As a poet I struggle whether to explain some of my poems or not and you've done an excellent job in making it clear here. I guess the issue is, did you want to convey that sense in the poem so the reader would have picked it up?

[Little Gal]

Never Truly Gone

Thousands of diamonds
Trapped, caught in darkness
Alone and forever cold
Yet they burn on
Eternally fighting to live

The silver moon
Always gracing our night
Catching every drifting dream
Crying for the hurting
Dying for the night

The poison night
A blanket for eyes
Never truly gone
Secretly lurking in shadows
Neither living nor dead


A lot can be said about what is NOT there in your poem...
I feel there is much that "IS"
for an example, your language moves well and the words place themselves with style...
as for the idea, yes it is overused, despite that, the emotion is well placed..
I like the very much the lines .. :)

"Thousands of diamonds
Trapped, caught in darkness
Alone and forever cold "

" The poison night
A blanket for eyes
Never truly gone
Secretly lurking in shadows
Neither living nor dead"...

[aliengirl]

Though I tend to agree with Bar that the central idea is not very clear, you have got some powerful and evocative images Shadow. May be revising, adding and rearranging would help. It is a good idea to go back to your work and give a touch here and there. There is definitely much potential in this one. Keep writing!