Single Man's Survival Guide

[ShadowsCool]

This is the scene. We are at the bar. A man, crushed from heartache walks in. Starts spilling his guts.
A blokey man says:

When a woman says "I believe in God". As a man, roll your eyes, as she tells you she's spiritual. It means she really has a demon in her, and she comes to devour any and all souls.



When a woman has one or two certain tattoos down the small of her back. Run, run, run, don't even look. It means that's her devil and she will be looking at you in the eye.



When she says, "your a nice guy". Oh boy, roll the eyes again. It means. I'm not so nice. Your going to hell with me if you stick around.



When she says. "I'm looking for a man with confidence, clean shoes, smells nice". That means you better be prepared as she drags you through hell, and you'll be needing every bit of confidence to remain in one piece. And the clean shoes bit, they won't be clean for long as she's dragging you through her mud.



When she says "grow a pair". You'll need to, to deal with her



When she says, "you're smart". She's really laughing in your face. Saying "Wow, how dumb can you be to be sticking around with me"?



When she says, "not now, I got a nail appointment". That means she's gotta sharpen up those claws, to sink deeper in your back.



And finally when all is said and done and she says to you: "Who, little ole' me-me did that"? and she rolls her eyes puckering her little rose petal lips. Men, don't bother to even roll your eyes, just get the hell out. It means she just wants some me-time with herbal tea, to gather herself for her next victim .

He finished his drink and walks out.

[PoeticPassions]

I'm not sure if this was supposed to be serious or funny... ? But I found it slightly offensive, and if it was meant to be funny, it wasn't really witty or clever... rather dry.

Also, just a suggestion, but you might want to revise and edit, to catch some of the grammar and punctuation mistakes.

cheers

[Catamite]

It isn't funny whatever its intentions were. But I think it was meant to be a satire of a typical 'blokey' man.

[ShadowsCool]

Sorry if I ruffled some feathers. One man's 'blokey' opinions shouldn't be construed as anything more than satire. If it's offensive to some then it's taken too seriously. I have a right to post a characters view without the threat of sensorship, do I not? And what's so offensive about it, unless it is taken personal? As for grammar errors, I think it gets its message across, the way it stands. Especially from a blokey man's view. I can write about the beautiful clouds all day but another man's view, and it's considered acrimonious? So sorry

[Catamite]

* censorship

It may offend someone because it isn't presented as a charcter's viewpoint as one would recgonise instantly in a story. It just look like your posting your views on women. I thought it was satire but other might not. This would work a lot better as a story because in this form it's hard to take seriously.

[ShadowsCool]

* censorship

It may offend someone because it isn't presented as a charcter's viewpoint as one would recgonise instantly in a story. It just look like your posting your views on women. I thought it was satire but other might not. This would work a lot better as a story because in this form it's hard to take seriously.

I will change it around some, thank you:smile5:

[Jack of Hearts]

Pretty wide of the mark in terms of satire. It's not cool to hate on women as a gender. Perfectly fine to hate them individually, though. Really get to know them before you hate them.







J

[ShadowsCool]

Pretty wide of the mark in terms of satire. It's not cool to hate on women as a gender. Perfectly fine to hate them individually, though. Really get to know them before you hate them.

J

Jack, I agree. Satire is not my thing. I just wrote it as a joke. But I do wonder, why is it okay for woman to bash men, yet if a man tries to make light of the irony, he is branded a hater? Anyway, no more attempts at Satire, I'll stick to poetry.