a painting

[cacian]

Jovel stood in a moment of total contemplation looking at the paiting he had spotted earlier from a shop window on as he was his way to the studio.
Today he had gone into the shop to see it up close and personal.
He did not know what it was or what it meant.
''What was it he wanted to find in it'' was baffling.
He felt compelled to it as if, a force has drawned him to it, like a quiet voice flashing colours wanting him to notice it.

He stood himself straight in front of it gazing at it when his thoughts began to drift away, sending him into a place of warmth, somewhere different calmer almost.
He felt lighter as if surreal took over real . It felt unique and wonderful.
He moved a little away, ran his hand in his longish hair, moved a little forward, squinted at the painting, then stepped backward again.
It was symphonically gravitating almost girating, something about this painting that hanged solely on this wall had him gripped.

He wished he had a bit more time to stand there and work it out.
The image painting and him lasted almost a five minute trance, but all this time his reflection on the painting had sobered up his mind, which took him up to a sharper, other world, something he always wished for everytime he needed a change of air.

[odliam]

This is neat description about the way ART affects people!

Sometimes we are so far away from ourselves when music, a painting, or anything of the kind touch us, that we seem to visit other wolds!

I think it would be better if some isolated lines were unites in a kind of longer paragraph, but that is only my opinion.

Thank you for this thought provoking story!

¬O.

[AuntShecky]

The premise is intriguing, abounding with creative possibilities.

In its present form, alas, the piece seems to me to be merely that, a premise.
All we have to go on is the idea that a guy has an unusual reaction to a painting.

For a topic that proclaims itself to be "surreal," the execution is an oddly straight-forward and linear narration, without offering much to go on leading up to your protagonist's unusual aesthetic experience. What might help is shedding more light on the character, some subtle clues as to what sparked this kind of reaction, and why?

For instance, show us what kind of a person "Jovel" is?-- mean, self-absorbed, depressed, open-hearted, melancholy, what? A brief flashback showing how he deals with day-to-day ordinary life might give us an inkling of how he is ripe for a startling painting to set off a spark.

Tell us something about the painting itself-- in your piece it comes off as fairly generic. We don't have to see all the details, the brushstrokes and what not, but what exactly makes it different from your garden-variety kind of artwork? Is it naturalistic or abstract, and if the latter, would it hurt to provide something about the colors, lines, and shapes? Other than your character's reaction, what exactly is so special about it?

The bottom line is that this piece could benefit with a substantial overhaul. If you do decide to rewrite it (and I hope you do), you might also take the time to sweep it for typos (at least the ones you can pick up), dump the worn-out phrases (e.g. "up close and personal") and repair the spelling errors-- "gyrating."

[Delta40]

I agree with Aunty's comments - she is much better at getting to the heart of the matter. It is an outline for what could be an interesting story but as it stands, we really know very little about the character or the painting. How it affects him the way it does could be interesting too.