Stocking Tops

[Hawkman]

She stoops to pull up nylon,
sheathing pale flesh with gauzy black,
runs fingers over calf and thigh,
a sculptress of perfection.

Coordinating hand and eye,
aligning seams,
she twists to mirror-check
with over-shoulder glances,
critical of effect.

No unsightly straps
below her blouse
just skin,
luminous against the charcoal band,
hungry for another’s touch,
anticipating fingertips
and exploratory lips.

[AuntShecky]

This is almost too hot for the likes o' me to handle, but I'll gives it a shot:

the "sculptress" imagery is nice, apt, but the final stanza ("strophe") leaves the stocking-leg motif and I wonder why.

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie,

I don't think I quite follow your comment. What makes you think the last strophe abandons the stocking theme? In fact the stocking top only actually makes a specific appearance in this section. The "charcoal band" is the only reference to the actual stocking top of the title. The stocking top is the apex of the verses which lead up to it and what it represents - anticipation and preparation.

Live and be well - H

[AuntShecky]

Okay, I get it--"charcoal band." Don't forget you're talking to a sweatshirt, sweatpants, tighty whities and crew sox gal here. I don't even think about "pantyhose"-- the latter-day equivalent of a medieval torture device.

[Buh4Bee]

It leaves one with a very vivid image of a personal female moment. I think you capture this character very well. The descriptions of her movements are quite fluid. Much enjoyed, as usual.

[Hawkman]

Auntie, you shatter my illusions! I had you down as a twin-set and pearls sort of girl - lol

B4B: Thanks very much, again :D Your reading pleasure is my writing pleasure ;)


Live and be well - H

[Haunted]

A very enchanting scene and subject: dressing for the sake of undressing.

Love the details:

She stoops to pull up nylon

runs fingers over calf and thigh

she twists to mirror-check
with over-shoulder glances

just skin,
luminous

In contrast you are not doing justice to the stocking tops, neither "charcoal" or "band" oozes sensuality like the preceding stanzas. But the end is smooth and intriguing as anticipation always is.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The one change I'd presume to suggest to this beautiful bit of erotica, is that you leave a blank line between the penultimate and the final line.

[Hawkman]

Haunted: Yes, I see what you are getting at, but then the stocking top itself is not inherently imbued with either sexuality or sensuality. It is just a line of demarcation, the border between anticipation and fulfilment, armour and vulnerablility, artifice and truth. It's minimalist window dressing, if you like - :D

Prince: You could well be right. I certainly don't think it will do any harm :)

Thank you both for reading and sharing your thoughts.

Live long and prosper - H

[Jerrybaldy]

thought i had stumbled on to a Biggus thread for a mo there. But no, its Hawkman. Always a joy (except when musing on birds) but thats just me. but if you cant be subjective when commenting etc etc .
all the best.

[Jack of Hearts]

Never seen a hawk in heat.

What's not to like about this. What a worthy moment to put under a microscope, to scrutinize. This reader aspires to do that. Better go practice.







J

[Hawkman]

JB: Nah, not Biggus - ;) Always happy to give a little joy - lol Sorry but Jack's raised the topic of birds, so you might want to close your eyes for the response - lol. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Jack: I have! Come the spring they're at it hammer and tongs! However, a food packet has to exchange beaks first. Mercenary little devils, hawks... :D

Happy to have inspired you to go practice, Should be quite enjoyable! Thanks for reading and liking :)

Live and be well - H

[ShadowsCool]

No unsightly straps
below her blouse
just skin,
luminous against the charcoal band,
hungry for another’s touch,
anticipating fingertips
and exploratory lips.

Is a winner in my mind. In fact, all of it is very visual.

I like it all except 2 lines. If I may, the first stanza, line 2: (sheathing pale flesh with gauzy black), I don't see it. The second stanza, line 5: (critical of effect) not necessary. I can't see, critical of effort in my head. Everything else is wonderful. Without those 2 lines, I see a nice sexual scene in my head. Great poem.

[Hawkman]

Firstly shadows, thanks for reading. I'm not quite sure I understand what you don't get about the first of your problem lines. White leg, black stocking. As she pulls the stocking up it sheathes the leg. Makes sense to me.

Likewise, "critical of effect." The girl is dressing to kill, she wants everything just right. She isn't just checking to see if her seams are straight, she is mentally appraising herself on the sexy index. Hope this helps you get a handle on the moment.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it :)

Live and be well - H

[ShadowsCool]

As she pulls the stocking up it sheathes the leg.
I like that better.


Anyway, glad you enjoyed it :)

I did!:smile5:

[Lokasenna]

Erotic, but also somehow very tender - you capture the dual aspects of physical love very nicely.

I particularly liked that last, unexpected rhyme at the end - just a hint of mischeviousness about it!

[Hawkman]

Thanks Loki. Yes, the last line is a bit of a cheeky wink :D Anyway, I'm very happy that you enjoyed it.

Live and be well - H