Dorothy Comingore

[vagantes]

Drinking in the bar- out of the midsummer heat.
"Buy you a drink"?
Nodded, and turned not; realising there were two of them.

Early evening was cooler.
We walked to the park, a slight breeze moving the grass.
They were insistent, and I thought why not?
On my back, after, watching them.
Then they changed.
Arrested for prostitution.
At the police station my bag was searched.
Money spilled out of my purse.
"That's the mark," one of them said.

Do you remember me? I was in films.
Refused to testify for HUAC.
Shaved off my hair in protest.
And now no longer employable
I sell myself to make enough to drink.

[Hawkman]

Interesting if prosy poem. I found no reference to prostitution in her bio, though your poem does rather imply it, so maybe you are privy to information I don't have. You might want to take a look at line 3 as that semi-colon really doesn't belong there. It inverts the syntax and distorts meaning. I'd just put "not realising there were two of them" on the next line. S2 L4 doesn't fit particularly well so you might want to re-word it or possibly dispense with it altogether.

Apart from these minor flaws it reads quite well although I feel it would make a good short story.

Live and be well - H

[vagantes]

Line 3 should read:

"Nodded and turned; not realising there were two of them".

[Charles Darnay]

Your lines:



Then they changed.
Arrested for prostitution.

suggests that "they" were arrested for prostitution. I'm wondering if there should be a stanza split between the lines? It becomes clear in a few lines so it is not a huge problem, just unclear.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed this.