This Is How

[Bar22do]

Smoke’s pinions flutter, fold over
and wilt as dawn melts the moon.
This is how you disappear, love,
dream ashes silvering your pyre.




(a little thing which has lost the contest, but still wants to live for a while... :) )

[cacian]

Bar22
the opening line is splendid and the third one is ravishing..a little gem of a poem.
Thank you for such a lovely read!

[Catamite]

I adore the first two lines, but I think second two lines could be clear perhaps, to contrast with imagery before, which I think wouldconclude better. The first two really are beautiful though.

[Bar22do]

Thanks for your reading, cacian and Catamite! I'll give a thought about clarifying when and if I revise (not sure this little one's worth the revision though...) anyhow, best to you two and thanks again for your feedbacks. Bar

[Delta40]

The imagery is still clear through the smoke Bar

[Haunted]

It's a winner in my book Bar. I think it might be too deep for an average reader, especially for young members who might not be able to connect with a cremation. I have one such poem, it was heartbreaking to write. Hope it didn't actually happened for you. Hugs from the haunted one.

[Bar22do]

Thanks Delta!

and

Haunted
It's a winner in my book Bar. I think it might be too deep for an average reader, especially for young members who might not be able to connect with a cremation. I have one such poem, it was heartbreaking to write. Hope it didn't actually happened for you. Hugs from the haunted one.

It did, actually, though I wished this little thing to be both literal and open to interpretation.
For the rest, you're very probably right, but it's these pages nature and it has its charm, I guess...

Thank you both very much, hugs from Bar

[aliengirl]

It's a short one Bar but its imagery is really haunting. Maybe you can call it "Cremation of Love." Just a thought!

[cafolini]

Very good.

[AuntShecky]

Very nice. It's a breathy exhilaration both timeless and in the moment. Reminds me of Ovid.

[Haunted]

It did, actually, though I wished this little thing to be both literal and open to interpretation.
For the rest, you're very probably right, but it's these pages nature and it has its charm, I guess...

Thank you both very much, hugs from Bar


The beauty of nature here certainly didn't escape me. It's such a beautiful way to send someone off.... From your recent poems I gathered that you might have suffered a personal loss. I just wish I was wrong. It's so amazing that these 4 little lines convey so much for me. Very heartfelt. My condolences Bar. xo

[Jerrybaldy]

Princeish in its brevity and weight and beauty. Perfect.

[Little Gal]

The phrase "silvering your pyre" is so cold... as though one could feel the touch of it...
The imagery of the first lines becomes just more than a picture imagined or lived...but the gripping last three words do the magic..
loved it..
thank you.

[WolfLarsen]

Dawn melts the Moon was my favorite line.

[Bar22do]

I wouldn't have thought this little thing of mine would get such a nice response, thank you all very much, aliengirl (I didn't want to be too specific...), cafolini, Auntie (Ovid?!! ni plus ni moins! :smile5: ), Jerry!, Little Gal and WolfLarsen. Thanks Haunted for having revisited it and I am, how to say, glad (?)/grateful (?) for what it conveyed to you and to others.

My very best, Bar