Bricks

[Catamite]

If it be the gloss of death upon my brow
Then I beg of you, kiss me, a time once more,
So may fall as do dead leaves the final sensibilities
Which will scatter to the wet ground in disused madness;
Each leaf bound and unbound by winds upon each.
By the outward forces upon me pressed,
The last of me will be trampled underfoot in the midday rush.

But if it is not so, and my life in constant time yet be fixed,
Then I beg of you, kiss me, a time once more,
For naught reason but to distill the sense of loving you.

[cacian]

This is such a lovely read.

Which will scatter to the wet ground in disused madness;
Each leaf bound and unbound by winds upon each.
By the outward forces upon me pressed

These lines are perfect!
I like the way you used the same line

Then I beg of you, kiss me, a time once more,

twice very intuitive and clever.
Brilliant read thank you Catamite;)

[Catamite]

Hey, thanks! I'm still a bit embarrased about my poetry because I haven't been writing long, so that made me smile.

[hillwalker]

This has a great deal of charm.

I'm not a fan of over-classicalised poetry because most aspiring writers think using archaic expressions makes their poetry seem nore serious when most of the time all it does is make it look like self-indulgent nonsense.

BUT in your case it works extremely well - subtle stuff. Well done.

H

[aliengirl]

There is something soothing about this poem. I liked it from the beginning and as I read on I liked it still more. Thanks for sharing. :)

[WolfLarsen]

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I just say that because I'm happy for you. I usually don't like poetry in older forms but somehow you made this feel fresh. It breeds with life. Well I meant to say breaths but I guess it does that to. This voice recognition software stuff is so annoying. But I got carpal tunnel. Actually meant to say I've got. I also meant to say I meant. Oh it's hopeless!

But anyway you served up old style poetry delicious and fresh!

But I still prefer contemporary-style poetry. Nothing personal.

Once again I give this poem a nice yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Hawkman]

I have to agree that overall this is a pleasing read, even though you have been a little sparing on the punctualtion, which would have made more sense for some of the subordinate clauses, and you have wilfully, and with malice aforthought, wrenched the syntax in a couple of places.

As hill says though, overall I think you got away with it. I'm looking forward to seeing what esle you might have to offer.

Welcome to litnet

Live and be well - H

[Catamite]

Yes, looking at it there far too much punctuation, I added most of it afterwards. Thanks though, it's encouraging.

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed especially:
Then I beg of you, kiss me, a time once more,
For naught reason but to distill the sense of loving you.

But what of Bricks ?

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[natroyce]

I really enjoyed it

[Catamite]

Hey, tailor STATELY and natroyce, glad you enjoyed it. The Bricks thing was a bit random, but was generally an allusion to things in life being built and then destroyed.

[Buh4Bee]

I think it is a lovely read. It classical style doesn't hinder it by any means. I prefer the title change. Nice post.