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trois_pistoles
01-18-2012, 10:22 PM
Ever since I was a child, I have always despised milk. I have read somewhere that milk contains mucus, but my hatred for the vile substance can be traced beyond this revelation, indeed it hails from the earliest chapter. Ahh yes, I tumble back through a sea of reminiscences, a turbulent froth of memories, tainted endlessly with a nauseating white streak, and curdling now to a putrid foam. I arise with the earliest recognizance submerged therein. You see, I was in a crib, fully lucid of course, unlike the milk swillers in their larval states, and my father tried to trick me into drinking a warm bottle of milk. Needless to say, I expressed my staunchest refusal to the scoundrel.

Now, 32 years later, I am still racked through and through by the clack of the milk bottles, the clomp of the plastic lids. They stack them up in the back of the truck, palette by palette, upon palette yet! The whole town is clamoring mindlessly for ruminant artiodactyl extract, for mucus-laden ungulate utter squirtings. The bottles are clanking. The lids are clomping. I, I… Ahhh, there it is, a minute capillary burst, now another, and now the geometric progression toward the blur…

They dare call me the "Milk Man", as if I, Gregory von Schlouffe, am defined entirely by milk! Just because I happened to take a job as delivery driver, and it just so happens to be milk that I deliver, they dare assess me as man of milk! Here. Here! Take your ****ing milk!

BookBeauty
01-20-2012, 11:53 PM
I applaud this piece. It's poetic and slightly comical. :)

The words may be a bit of a stumble, but I think it works stylistically. May not be a popular choice, however.

trois_pistoles
01-21-2012, 12:17 PM
I applaud this piece. It's poetic and slightly comical. :)

The words may be a bit of a stumble, but I think it works stylistically. May not be a popular choice, however.

slightly comical? :idea:
It was supposed to be sheer comedy.

hillwalker
01-21-2012, 02:10 PM
Not so funny to this reader... I tend to think you milked the subject dry.

H

AuntShecky
01-21-2012, 05:10 PM
Sorry, but I can't seem to keep my opinion on your pint-sized story bottled up: it's a little short on plot, dialogue, and character development, wouldn't you say?

I'd check the facts as well, starting with the symptoms of lactose intolerance.
By the bye, I've never heard of milk containing mucus, but that it often can
bring up the drinker's own mucus.

Just to keep from displaying a lack of the milk of human kindness, I'll add a
positive note in that this is the first time I've ever read a story about milk (other than the late Harvey or the salacious anagram about the desirability of older women: some slack-jawed dude
leering at a "mother he'd like to 'know.'"

Delta40
01-21-2012, 06:44 PM
I fail to see the connection, unless this is a condensed (pardon the pun) version of a story churning inside of you.

trois_pistoles
01-21-2012, 08:27 PM
I fail to see the connection, unless this is a condensed (pardon the pun) version of a story churning inside of you.

...

It's supposed to be absurd for absurdity's sake.

Of course explaining a joke can't make it funny to someone; but in case you're curious, the irony is supposed to come from the the overly dramatic treatment of trivial subject matter, as well as the bombastic attitude of the foolish narrator.

Oh, well.

:nopity:

Delta40
01-21-2012, 09:54 PM
...

It's supposed to be absurd for absurdity's sake.

Of course explaining a joke can't make it funny to someone; but in case you're curious, the irony is supposed to come from the the overly dramatic treatment of trivial subject matter, as well as the bombastic attitude of the foolish narrator.

Oh, well.

:nopity:

Thanks for explaining it. We all have a different sense of humour of course. That aside, since anything is possible, you do also have a basis for a dark story....

hillwalker
01-22-2012, 07:23 AM
I got the absurdity of a guy who detests milk becoming a milk-man, but... was left wondering, so what? The bombast was a little too artificial to appear real.

H

Neilson Black
01-23-2012, 11:24 AM
This is quite funny. Like a snapshot of a funny memory.