your name

[Shawnee Cox]

this is a poem that i wrote a few years ago. when i was 3 i was adopted and to tell people about how i felt a wrote this poem.

Your Name
I wrote your name in the Sky but the wind blew it away
I wrote your name in the sand but the water washed it away
I wrote your name in my heart and forever it shall stay

[Delta40]

Since you have put the lines in context it is more moving but I would say you just pulled on the heartstrings of my maternal side rather than my poet side. There is so much more to be written here. Ditch the rhyming. Perhaps write a 3 verse poem each starting with one of the 3 lines, expanding on the experience.

However you do it, the theme is powerful, gut wrenching and deserves more.

Good luck.

[hillwalker]

I'm not the greatest fan of rhyme but in this instance it's fitting. There's a lot more you could write, I'm certain, but what you have written goes directly to the heart of the matter.

H