Poetry By Me

[Mad_Dog]

Mystical

As I watch the glisten of the moon
I don't think it's all too soon
To see my reflection in the glass
Oh how I ever let the time pass
As we seal this heart within
Give me another tale to spin
When I am all but down and out
I hope I have your name to shout

[hillwalker]

It's rather too ephemeral for me - I can't get to the heart of what you're trying to say because you have allowed the rhyme to drive the poem forward instead of your words. Take note of the lines you quote from Wordsworth - how much of this is what you wanted to say - and how much was dictated by the need to rhyme? It's far too intrusive.

H

[Buh4Bee]

The rhyme is driving the poetry. I also think this is a very personal poem. I think Hillwalker already gave feedback.

Despite all this, I do like the poem, because I think you are successful in creating a contemplative mood that the reader can relate too.