serveitup61
01-05-2012, 10:05 PM
*This is a little piece I did a short while ago that I don't quite know what to do with... I don't know if it would be useful anywhere, but for some strange reason I like it and all its eccentricities. Let me know what you think.*
Bob and the Lucky Penny, by Tommy
Bob found a penny on the corner of 5th and Main. When he found it, the side of Lincoln’s little copper face was sticking up into the air. Bob smiled and said, like many have said, “Oh, a lucky penny! I shall take and keep it for myself and perhaps I will have a lucky day.”
I suppose Bob was just a sucker. A sucker into the cultural delusion that a worthless piece of metal can change the course of a day. A sucker into the cultural delusion of the existence of luck itself. I doubt very much that Bob was very lucky at all, because exactly 7.0892 seconds after he picked up his precious penny, Bob was struck by a bus and he died.
Some freaks will argue and say that Bob really was lucky. One freak will say, “Life is merely a curse. Bob was indeed lucky enough to be terminated so quickly and painlessly.” But let’s ignore the freaks for now. Let’s say Bob was unlucky.
Bob was unlucky, but it wasn’t entirely his fault.
I suppose it was Little Suzy’s fault. Little Suzy, earlier that day, reached into her coin purse and dropped that cursed penny into the road. When she dropped the penny she thought, “It is only a penny and the road is so very dangerous. I shall not try to retrieve my penny from the road, for I do not want to be struck by a bus.” Little Suzy was raised good and proper, and she did not think a penny was worth dying for. She did not believe in lucky pennies, because Little Suzy believed in God. Perhaps God saved Little Suzy from dying a violent death on the corner of 5th and Main.
Poor Bob.
I suppose it wasn’t Little Suzy’s fault at all, for dropping that penny in the road. No. I suppose it was actually Bum Joe’s fault that Bob went after that penny on the corner of 5th and Main. After all, Bum Joe was sitting on the corner of 5th and Main when Little Suzy took out her coin purse to give him some spare change. When Little Suzy dropped the penny, Bum Joe thought to himself, “Perhaps I will grab that penny from the road, and use it to buy a soda pop.” (Bum Joe was wildly unaware of how expensive things are these days) “However, if I venture into the middle of the road and attempt to acquire that penny, I would also be risking my life.” So Bum Joe decided that the penny wasn’t worth the effort and he stayed put.
Poor Bob.
I suppose that it wasn’t Bum Joe’s fault that Bob decided to get hit by a bus on the corner of 5th and Main. After all, he probably never wanted to be a bum, and he probably never wanted Little Suzy to give him spare change and drop a penny that would kill Bob. No, it wasn’t Bum Joe’s fault. I suppose that it was Bum Joe’s father’s fault. After all, if Bum Joe’s father had not abused and neglected Bum Joe, perhaps Bum Joe would just be Joe. Bum Joe’s father is the reason Bum Joe was begging on the corner of 5th and Main. Bum Joe had daddy issues. Bum Joe’s father often thought to himself, “My son Joe is the son I never really wanted to have. Perhaps I will abuse him into submission. Perhaps Joe will become a bum on the corner of 5th and Main, because that would bring me satisfaction.” Bum Joe became a bum who received spare change from Little Suzy who dropped the penny that killed Bob because of Bum Joe’s father.
Poor Bob.
I suppose that none of these people are truly to blame. I suppose the real culprit is Lincoln. After all, it was Lincoln who was the 16th President of the United States. It was Lincoln who was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth in Ford’s Theatre in Washington D.C. on Good Friday, 1865. It was Lincoln who was printed on the penny. It was Lincoln’s face that became a sign of good luck if it was found in the road on the corner of 5th and Main. I suppose it was Lincoln’s fault.
Actually, it was stupid Bob’s fault. Bob walked out into the road on the corner of 5th and Main in order to pick up a worthless little penny and was struck by a bus.
Quit blaming other people, Bob.
Bob and the Lucky Penny, by Tommy
Bob found a penny on the corner of 5th and Main. When he found it, the side of Lincoln’s little copper face was sticking up into the air. Bob smiled and said, like many have said, “Oh, a lucky penny! I shall take and keep it for myself and perhaps I will have a lucky day.”
I suppose Bob was just a sucker. A sucker into the cultural delusion that a worthless piece of metal can change the course of a day. A sucker into the cultural delusion of the existence of luck itself. I doubt very much that Bob was very lucky at all, because exactly 7.0892 seconds after he picked up his precious penny, Bob was struck by a bus and he died.
Some freaks will argue and say that Bob really was lucky. One freak will say, “Life is merely a curse. Bob was indeed lucky enough to be terminated so quickly and painlessly.” But let’s ignore the freaks for now. Let’s say Bob was unlucky.
Bob was unlucky, but it wasn’t entirely his fault.
I suppose it was Little Suzy’s fault. Little Suzy, earlier that day, reached into her coin purse and dropped that cursed penny into the road. When she dropped the penny she thought, “It is only a penny and the road is so very dangerous. I shall not try to retrieve my penny from the road, for I do not want to be struck by a bus.” Little Suzy was raised good and proper, and she did not think a penny was worth dying for. She did not believe in lucky pennies, because Little Suzy believed in God. Perhaps God saved Little Suzy from dying a violent death on the corner of 5th and Main.
Poor Bob.
I suppose it wasn’t Little Suzy’s fault at all, for dropping that penny in the road. No. I suppose it was actually Bum Joe’s fault that Bob went after that penny on the corner of 5th and Main. After all, Bum Joe was sitting on the corner of 5th and Main when Little Suzy took out her coin purse to give him some spare change. When Little Suzy dropped the penny, Bum Joe thought to himself, “Perhaps I will grab that penny from the road, and use it to buy a soda pop.” (Bum Joe was wildly unaware of how expensive things are these days) “However, if I venture into the middle of the road and attempt to acquire that penny, I would also be risking my life.” So Bum Joe decided that the penny wasn’t worth the effort and he stayed put.
Poor Bob.
I suppose that it wasn’t Bum Joe’s fault that Bob decided to get hit by a bus on the corner of 5th and Main. After all, he probably never wanted to be a bum, and he probably never wanted Little Suzy to give him spare change and drop a penny that would kill Bob. No, it wasn’t Bum Joe’s fault. I suppose that it was Bum Joe’s father’s fault. After all, if Bum Joe’s father had not abused and neglected Bum Joe, perhaps Bum Joe would just be Joe. Bum Joe’s father is the reason Bum Joe was begging on the corner of 5th and Main. Bum Joe had daddy issues. Bum Joe’s father often thought to himself, “My son Joe is the son I never really wanted to have. Perhaps I will abuse him into submission. Perhaps Joe will become a bum on the corner of 5th and Main, because that would bring me satisfaction.” Bum Joe became a bum who received spare change from Little Suzy who dropped the penny that killed Bob because of Bum Joe’s father.
Poor Bob.
I suppose that none of these people are truly to blame. I suppose the real culprit is Lincoln. After all, it was Lincoln who was the 16th President of the United States. It was Lincoln who was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth in Ford’s Theatre in Washington D.C. on Good Friday, 1865. It was Lincoln who was printed on the penny. It was Lincoln’s face that became a sign of good luck if it was found in the road on the corner of 5th and Main. I suppose it was Lincoln’s fault.
Actually, it was stupid Bob’s fault. Bob walked out into the road on the corner of 5th and Main in order to pick up a worthless little penny and was struck by a bus.
Quit blaming other people, Bob.