Dreams

[aliengirl]

Dreams

A magical arras that hangs
between reality and fancy,
our mind weaves in its folds
a hundred thousand graphic tales.
A riddle yet unsolved
though tinkered with for centuries.
I haven't solved its puzzle
nor do I pretend I can.

Just say that
dreams are earnest, dreams are solemn,
dreams are not a sham;
though not so very often,
still I dream, therefore I am.

[Hawkman]

Hi Ripley, there are some really nice elements brought into play here. The idea of the arras, that shakespearian curtain that can be hidden behind, is very strong imo, a good strong opening. The cadence falters a bit after L5 though. I might suggest:

"though tinkered with for centuries.
I cannot solve its puzzle,
nor do I pretend I can."

S2 is a little over written and can be simplified thus:

"Say only that
dreams are earnest, dreams are solemn,
dreams are not a sham;
though not so very often,
still I dream, therefore I am."

Just a suggestion. I enjoyed this

Live and be well - H

[Bar22do]

Dreams

A magical arras that hangs (I'd erase "that" from this L)
between reality and fancy,
our mind weaves in its folds
a hundred thousand graphic tales.
A riddle yet unsolved
though played with for centuries,
I too can't solve this puzzle
nor pretend that I can. (here you state you CAN'T solve the puzzle then you say you cant pretend to solve it, which, to me is repetition. Perhaps "I too don't solve the puzzle/nor pretend that I can" ???)

Only want to say that ("Only able" instead of "Only want"???)
dreams are earnest, dreams are solemn, ("dreams are earnest, solemn" ???)
dreams are not a sham.
Though not very often but still
I dream, therefore I am. (I'd end the poem at "I dream")

Deep and thought involving, Aliengirl, I love it all, especially the image of the mind weaving in the arras folds.
I'd suggest little changes, please see above, but as always, these are only suggestions. I enjoyed a lot reading your poem and thinking of its contebts, thank you and my best, Bar

[Haunted]

Haven't read a "dream" poem this beautiful in a long time. Done so delicately too. You should be proud AG.

[Delta40]

I enjoyed your dream poem AG very much and felt the mists swirl round me as I read it. The tips offered above are very useful too. Well done.

[WolfLarsen]

My favorite lines were:


our mind weaves in its folds
a hundred thousand graphic tales

[aliengirl]

Thanks a lot dear friends. :)
@ Hawk- I can't thank you enough for your diligent reading and accurate suggestions. I did not myself like "played with" in L6 very much. My other choice was "tinkered" but someone told me that "played" sounds better. Personally, I like "tinker" better because it has a clinking metallic sound.
As for opening of S2, I agree that it's rather weak and could be improved. In fact I wrote it yesterday and decided to post it without reviewing it myself. How about
"Just say that
dreams are earnest, dreams are solemn,
dreams are not a sham;
though not so very often,
still I dream, therefore I am."


@ Bar - Thanks a lot for reading and enjoying this poem. Your suggestion about use of "can" is something to think of. As I've said earlier I didn't review this poem after writing so these little details could be improved. But I think if 'that' is to be removed from L1 it would have to be rephrased. As for the last line you'll laugh to know that it is a play upon Descartes' words - "I think, therefore I am." In fact I wrote the last line first and then composed the whole poem.

@ Haunted & Delta - Thank you both for your loving encouragement. Glad to know that my little jot gave you some happy thoughts. :)

@ WolfLarsen - Thanks very much.

[Bar22do]

Of course, but playing with this saying, so overused, spoils a bit of the cristal beauty of your poem, methinks! :nod:....

[Hawkman]

It works like that Ripley, but it depends what rhythm you want. You could also do it like this:

"Just say that dreams are earnest,
dreams are solemn, not a sham;
though not so very often,
still I dream, therefore I am."

Anyway, it's a nice poem ;)

Live and be well - H

[cafolini]

I wouldn't touch it. Lovable.

[Jerrybaldy]

Not an easy task to take on dreams and not to float into cliche and on balance i think you were the winner.

[aliengirl]

.........

[aliengirl]

Of course, but playing with this saying, so overused, spoils a bit of the cristal beauty of your poem, methinks! :nod:....

Oh Bar, you are so nice to think that this little poem has some beauty. :D


@ cafolini & jerrybaldy- Thank you both for dropping by. Your kind words encourage me to write and share more. :)

[Maximilianus]

I feel it as a very deep wording of the dream domain! http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/clapping.gif

I assume the poem refers to dreams we have while awake, thinking about the stupid sort of dreams I have while asleep, like my favorite mechanical pencil falling inside a rat hole, and a rat dragging it down before my impotent desperation over losing my fave mechanical pencil forever... to a scribbling rat :p

[aliengirl]

Thanks for dropping by Max. Your smiley makes me smile as always. As for the poem, it refers to both types of dream depending upon your perspective. Interpret it the way you like best. :)
P.S. - It is hard to believe but I had lost many socks to rats when we lived in a house with an open courtyard, long ago. :D

[Maximilianus]

:willy_nilly: There you have the thief taking your socks!!


http://www.jospaul.co.uk/uploads/images/Gallery/illustrations/books/rat-and-ransom/rat-and-socks.jpg


:p

[MystyrMystyry]

Sock snatcher!

Good poem Aliengirl :) A smooth read and easy word flow.

[aliengirl]

:willy_nilly: There you have the thief taking your socks!!


http://www.jospaul.co.uk/uploads/images/Gallery/illustrations/books/rat-and-ransom/rat-and-socks.jpg


:p

:smilielol5: :lol: :lol:

Really Max, is this your idea of how the thief got my socks? :biggrinjester:
In fact, I used to leave my socks on the floor after I returned from school. Turning a deaf ear to my mother's scolding I would run off to play. If she forgot to pick up the scattered socks then mother rat would get a gift for her kiddies. :D


@ MM- Thank you dear for your kind words.