a conventional short story

[WolfLarsen]

Patriotic Duty
A short story by Wolf Larsen

The fancy sports car pulled up to the curb. An older man in hip clothes and a younger woman in a sexy dress get out of the car. She is his "girlfriend" or maybe his granddaughter, it's kind of hard to tell.

As they're walking towards a super-cool super-chic super-expensive restaurant they pass by a young man sitting on the sidewalk by himself in the cold.
The man is missing some body parts, things like arms and legs. The sign around his neck says:
HOMELESS VET
PLEASE HELP!
In front of the man sitting on the sidewalk in the cold is a plastic cup with a few coins in it.
The older man walking along with his girlfriend or granddaughter blurts out, "WHY DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY'RE ENTITLED TO SOMETHING?! THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH THIS COUNTRY!"
His girlfriend or granddaughter doesn't say anything.

As he enters the restaurant the hip cool older man is thinking, "WOW! Everybody is seeing me with this hot babe on my arm! This is great!"
Inside the restaurant the old man and the young lady sit down. The old man starts talking. He wants to impress the young lady.
"Business is booming!" exclaims the old man. "The government just ordered a new machine from us this morning. Of course they're going to use it to make weapons. I'm a war profiteer!" he exclaimed laughing.
The young lady smiles at him.

"God I hope Barack Obama gets reelected! He's great for business!" the old man says laughing. "He's even better for business than the Republicans!"
The young lady looks away. She doesn't like politics.

The old man seems to notice her change in mood.
"Well actually, I'm just doing my patriotic duty for my country to help us defend ourselves against the terrorists. After all, we're a freedom loving people, and that's why we need a strong military!" he said with a softer more sensitive voice.
She smiled at him again.
While she smiled at the old man she thought, ""I can't wait to dump this limp sack of ****! But for now I need him to pay the bills. I just can't seem to find a job anywhere!"
The old man was excited because he knew that she liked him! He couldn't wait to get her home! Boy oh boy was he excited!

Then – fast forward now – they ordered, ate, and the bill arrived. The old man kept the receipt, because after all it was a "business dinner", or tax write off. Then the old man excused himself to go to the bathroom so that he could discreetly take that little blue pill.

Copyright 2011 by Wolf Larsen.

Now playing: Neo-SocialRealism
Diego Rivera! George Grosz! Gustav Klutsis!

[cafolini]

Well, you know I don't agree with the political bias in this story. But everything else is pretty good, because it shows some of the stuff that's happening every day. Good story.

[MANICHAEAN]

Good observation Wolf.

One of my collegues was just like this in the international petro-chem business. He was in his 60's and seemed to specialise in young girlfriends in every location he was posted to, including; Tunesia, Malaysia, Nigeria and Mexico. In the latter, he described to me once the 18 year old he was going with. He had a kind of blind pride in saying, "We go out to an expensive restaurant, and everyone looks at me!" If he had been in love, whatever the age difference, I could have related to it, but it was all about his own image. A bit like the poser type of some expats, who have to portray their wealth with heavy, gold chains, rolex watches & flash cars.

It's an interesting theme, that you could have, if you wished, built further on. You have obviously noted instances of the insecurities of this variety of male species. The female side of the arrangement is even more fascinating, for in many "third world" countries this sort of relationship is actively sort for as a way out of poverty. There may not be love, but at the same time there is no bitterness or even hate.

I enjoyed the piece and behind the graphics, it was subtle in it's grasp.
Best wishes
M.

[MANICHAEAN]

Excuse. I doubled up.

[cyberbob]

What's with all the political stories popping up here recently? This one was almost as bad as the one where the arab family gets blown up.

[MANICHAEAN]

It's not politics as such, just an aside bit of background to build up the character.
I'm not conversant with the Arab story, it's merits or otherwise.
M.

[Delta40]

I like it except for the change from present to past tense so I purposefully read it the way it should have been written.

[WolfLarsen]

Manichaean made some very observant comments. Manichaean got it right on all accounts. And cyberbob was wrong, it's not overtly political, it's the real world, try looking away from your desk a moment and look at the world outside your window cyberbob. Or try looking at the world around you when you're walking down the street. But then again, don't look at the real world if you don't want to, do whatever you want, just like I'm going to do whatever I want. I'm just writing about the real world for a change. I'll write about the real world if I want to.

Thank you Delta for your comment. I'm glad you liked the story. Regarding changing verb tenses I stick with convention when it suits me, and I throw it out the window when it does not.

Once again thank you everyone for your comments.

[Darcy88]

Not overtly political? Of course it is! And I agree with your politics but the whopping sense of self-righteousness exuding from it throughout I find to be quite a turn off. Its as much rant as it is art.

[Bewlay Brother]

Manichaean made some very observant comments. Manichaean got it right on all accounts. And cyberbob was wrong, it's not overtly political, it's the real world, try looking away from your desk a moment and look at the world outside your window cyberbob. Or try looking at the world around you when you're walking down the street. But then again, don't look at the real world if you don't want to, do whatever you want, just like I'm going to do whatever I want. I'm just writing about the real world for a change. I'll write about the real world if I want to.

Thank you Delta for your comment. I'm glad you liked the story. Regarding changing verb tenses I stick with convention when it suits me, and I throw it out the window when it does not.

Once again thank you everyone for your comments.

Yeah I could write some story about a bunch of black thugs running around robbing raping and killing innocent people. That would be "talking about the real world" too. That doesn't exclude it from being utter trash and hatred masquerading as "gritty realism". There is no substance to their conversation or anything about the story. Yeah sure, pick a political viewpoint that you disagree with and contrive a story to cram as many hypocrisies as you can, very creative, truly all-out exploration. If you really don't think it is overtly political than you really need to reexamine what art is supposed to accomplish. The only thing I learned from this piece was where you stand on a ideological spectrum. The only thing it made me think about was just how deep your hatred for conservatives runs.

I'm sorry if this is harsh and I'm not saying you're not a good writer, but you have gone off track with this type of thing. There are millions of people that have the same political views as you. If you took 100 of them and told them to write a story "pointing out hypocrisies of conservatives" they would come up with something similar. It isn't so much that it criticizes conservatives because the type of conservatives you are going after do deserve ridicule, but it just isn't original at all.

This isn't "observing the real world" or "the real world". Give me a break about that. The short story titled "Babies" was closer to James Joyce than this political propaganda is to being an example of "looking at the world around you when you walk down the sidewalk" or "talking about the real world". I've never seen anything farther from it honestly. Unoriginal political propaganda is all this is. Become an English professor, then maybe you can convince some poor students that this is trailblazing.

[AuntShecky]

Well, thank you for your effort for posting a story which yours truly was able to comprehend.

Even so, given the aesthetic philosophy which you've posted on the LitNet, a 21st writer shouldn't really bother with a so-called "conventional" short story. I've got news for you -- every serious writer shares that view. What many of us attempt to do with everything we write is to break ground, by looking at the world in a brand-new way, and to express this unique version--artistically.

There, I'm afraid, is where your slice-of-life story falls short. The word choice, the aforementioned inconsistency of verb tenses and other grammatical pitfalls, as well as a general triteness of expression all detract from the integrity of your work.

Though, as I've said till I'm "blue in the face" (to use a cliché) a writer should never take himself seriously, he should always take his work seriously, even when, maybe especially when, he's trying to be funny or make a satirical point.

So while I think I see what you're trying to get at -- the banality and obsolesence of mundane, passe mainstream fiction -- the lack of cleverness in its execution may detract from your valid point.

I for one say, try again.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

What's with all the political stories popping up here recently? This one was almost as bad as the one where the arab family gets blown up.

I take it you're not American. The republican primaries are starting up her in the US, and after that the presidential election. So, unfortunately for some, it's probably only going to get worse.

[Charles Darnay]

When I read it, I initially took it to be a satire on the type of person/relationship you're exploring. And I thought "that is a fairly good political satire." Reading the comments has suggested otherwise.