Marveling

[Bar22do]

It’s raining
here
cats and dogs
seek shelter The earth
quickly moistens
her chapped lips
and drinks drinks

everywhere
the greenery teems

the promise
of heaven
is held

(Jerusalem, November 2011)

[Jack of Hearts]

It seems important to know that this was written in Jerusalem, which might be beautiful to some people or scary for others. Either way, there's some interesting use of language in this poem Bar. One senses that it must be very important to you personally.






J

[Varenne Rodin]

It's very interesting. I'm not religious, but I like the way you described the earth. Lovely.

[Bar22do]

... that it rains? :smile5: yes, it is important here, Jack of Hearts, and the first heavy rains are so impressive, the scent of fresh soil is intoxicating (I have written about it in another short piece), I can also ascertain Jerusalem is beautiful beyond description...

Varenne Rodin, the use of "heaven" was more inspired by "the heavens open", you know, after long hours of heavy clouds one is never sure if the wind won't blow them somewhere else...

Thank you both so much for gracing my November poem with your reading and liking.

Best to you,

Bar

[Haunted]

Bar, I really like how you extended and enriched the expression "raining cats and dogs" with them seeking shelter and made the scene really come alive. I'm not sure about the line break though, "The earth" being on the same line. The dual meaning of "heaven" works so beautifully with the Jeruselem attribute.

[hack]

It is lovely Bar.

[Bar22do]

(sorry, deleted because of double click)

[Bar22do]

Thanks a lot Haunted ("The earth" was supposed to be a few spaces away from "shelter", but the tools do not allow it here I'm afraid) and Hack for visiting and reading this thread. Best to you, Bar

[PrinceMyshkin]

I especially love the last three lines, but

think they make "and drinks drinks" seem even morre prosaic by contrast.

[aliengirl]

Your poem has some magic like the first rain of the year. And I'm sure Jerusalem must be beautiful. Thanks for this refreshing poem Bar.

[AuntShecky]

I like how this diverts the raining "cats and dogs" cliché. The only change I'd make is transpose the order of "moistens" and "quickly."

The last couple lines of this are the best.

[Bar22do]

Thank you Prince, aliengirl and Auntie for your thoughts. Jerry, the earth avidly drinks the first water offered after over half a year drought, it sounds prosaic but for us the drinking earth is a lyric image. I admit I could have pondered a more broadly striking a description, though. I actually might, when I revise. Thanks for your remark.
Auntie, a very good idea, adopted! thanks a lot! Glad you liked a bit of the poem! Always grateful for your reading.
I treasure your reading and appreciating always, aliengirl! Thanks again.

Warm regards to you three and to all, Bar

[Delta40]

I like the double meaning of cats and dogs tied in with the rain and the promise of heaven is held somehow holds a precious cloud all its own when I find it is about Jerusalem

[Bar22do]

Thank you Delta, for having graced this piece with your interest! best of the days to you, Bar

[Buh4Bee]

As Hack said, it is lovely!

[Bewlay Brother]

I must say that I absolutely LOVE the way you said "Cats and dogs" - seek shelter. I thought you had a massive cliche "raining cats and dogs" but nope you pulled a fast one!

[makkesan]

it has a brilliant end. Puts a different taste to the poem and somehow makes me think of promises that weren't held.

[Bar22do]

Many thanks Buh, Bewlay Brother and makkesan for your kind feedbacks.
Bewlay, never trust me too much, though; for a cliché might trap me unaware and then - well, just point it to me please! :wink5:
makkesan, believe it or not, I too had that fleeting thought of unkept promises when the end of this poem came...

Best wishes to you all, Bar