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Mr. Misery
01-02-2012, 03:50 AM
So I was thinking about this earlier...


Monday evening, I was at the local grocer's buying sundry items such as a few different foodstuffs and deodorants and some plastic forks and a pitcher of some kind. When I realize I have no food to eat for my dinner that night, it becomes apparent I must be purchasing a kind of food to eat that night for dinner aswell....so I went over to the Rotisserie section of my local green grocer's and selected the juicest roast chicken they had. I put the roasty chicken in my shopping cart and as I am approaching the finish line, a giant ball of rubber bands rolls in front of my cart, a ball the size of a baseball that is of an above-average size for a baseball, about the size of a baseball the size of a basketball I would have to say if pressed for some answer on this point..

the Rubber band ball about the size of a basketball sized baseball came out of nowhere it seems and when it rolled in front of my cart, I swerved so as to be avoiding hitting this overly large ball of rubber band and I still have not figured out where or why this thing was rolling by in the first place. While swerving my cart, I accidentally pushed my cart right into a very pregnant middle ages woman's belly and a baby falls right out of her dress right then and there and this is when I know it is on like some Donkey kong. The baby gets up, yanks on his ubilicial cord and swinging it around as if it is an extra large lasso about the size of a basketball hoop, I stumble backwards, in shock, and fall into a giant pyramid sized display of winter peas in a can, about the size of a pyramid but instead of coming to a point at the top it's more of a rectangular shape of pyramid....anyway I knock over all these canned winter peas and the baby is running twoards me swinging his mother around his head, attached to his ubiliacal cord wich is also attached to him belly button, and his mother was screaming all kinds of things like "Please stop, baby!" "You know I love you, baby!" and, but, the baby would not listen to anything his mother is shouting at him as he is swinging her around and around in a big ciircle in the air.

I got up and found some gelatin on the shelves behind me and started to take the gelatin out of the gelatin cups they were in and throwing all this gelatin at the baby it started to cry and his mother goes flying and his ubiliacal cord snaps off of his belly and she goes and flys right onto the conveyor belt of the finish line and the cashier there, a young black boy, began to scan her face with his pricing scan gun but realized she was not a thing and sinstead he didn't do that and went back to do some other things instead meanwhile I am throwing left and right hooks at this ferocious baby who is kicking and flying through the air with roundhouses and uppercuts, he seems to be on some kind of drugs I couldn't tell what kinds but it seemed like probably an overdose of marijauana that was making heim super strong and violent and I guess his mother is the one who was injecting the marijauana in the first place otherwise I don't understand how a baby this size could be able to purchase such large amounts of marijauna grass...anyway, I kicked the baby in the face and broke all his teeth out and unfortunately I think his soft spot got caved in as well and he's dead now.

I bought the rotisserie chicken and the babys mother and I got to talking and we realize we are not so different afterall and maybe as a matter of fact we should be having dinner together so we did and after that we have anal bone sex and now she is pregnant again I hope this new baby don't come out swinging on marijauna like the last one because I hat e to kill my own son because of that.

thanks buddy

Mr. Misery
01-02-2012, 09:51 PM
i need the feedsback

Jack of Hearts
01-03-2012, 05:17 AM
Don't like it. It's stupid, tries too hard and fails to achieve the 'gross out' or 'shock humor' it reaches for. But something about the mama saying "You know I love you baby." was pretty funny for some reason. But the rest of this sucks. It also has typos that you could easily fix if you just took the time to edit.

There's probably a better way to do whatever it is you're trying to do, but this reader isn't even sure what you're trying to do.









J

hillwalker
01-03-2012, 07:22 AM
Feedback - this was depressingly lame.

Coming up with something original is more difficult that just aiming to shock your readers. The only thing that shocked me was that someone should consider wasting their talent as a writer to produce something so dreadful.

H

Buh4Bee
01-05-2012, 09:36 PM
It's not worth giving feedback, it's so bad. Try writing when you are sober.

AuntShecky
01-06-2012, 05:35 PM
Feedback--
Not a story at all, just an extended Twitter thingie.

KCurtis
01-06-2012, 06:47 PM
I wish I didn't read this.
Waste of my time.

Buh4Bee
01-06-2012, 10:01 PM
dee 4 duh

Delta40
01-06-2012, 10:09 PM
I think you've got some drugged out imagination and I did at least smile at the thought of a mother being swung above a newborn's head with the umbilical cord still attached to it's belly button.

Bewlay Brother
01-07-2012, 05:37 AM
This piece accomplishes what Joyce was going for in Finnegans Wake. Cubed.

She got pregnant from anal sex. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

You are blending absurdism, literal absurdism, and hedonism all together.

Mutatis-Mutandis
01-07-2012, 04:58 PM
Joyce's name doesn't belong anywhere near this travesty.

Bewlay Brother
01-08-2012, 04:26 AM
Joyce's name doesn't belong anywhere near this travesty.

I think it is exactly the opposite.

hillwalker
01-08-2012, 08:27 AM
We are all entitled to our own opinions - but I have to admit that this self-indulgent rumination bears no resemblance to Joyce's craft. It might resemble metafiction on the surface but ultimately it's literary onanism.

H

MANICHAEAN
01-08-2012, 08:34 AM
Wow Hill !

You really do have a way with words today!

Regards
M.

Bewlay Brother
01-10-2012, 06:35 PM
Uhhh....

Guys....

Come on....

I was joking when I compared it to James Joyce. This is terrible!

Delta40
01-10-2012, 06:44 PM
lol but an atrocity unto itself!

cyberbob
01-11-2012, 11:21 PM
I laughed so hard I cried.

The baby swinging his mom around and then her trying to talk to him were the best parts.

Bewlay Brother
01-12-2012, 02:05 AM
Yeah it is pretty damn funny. I mean, it doesn't have quality, but it has a lot more quality than a lot of other things do.

Varenne Rodin
01-12-2012, 04:01 AM
This was like "Freddy Got Fingered," whatever that means.

cyberbob
01-12-2012, 05:28 AM
I rubber band ball the size of a baseball the size of a basketball. :lol:

Bewlay Brother
01-12-2012, 03:05 PM
I rubber band ball the size of a baseball the size of a basketball. :lol:

Well hey, that's not too bad! That is sort of similar to "Future Legend" the intro to David Bowie's beyond brilliant album "Diamond Dogs".

"Fleas the size of rats up to rats the size of cats!"

Varenne Rodin
01-12-2012, 06:02 PM
It read like a dream, really. One of those strange dreams that has pretty disturbing things going on.