Gloop

[Delta40]

Your little Augustus Gloop is dying within
Suck faster on your gobstopper.
His face is blue
Staying at home all day will never do.
As the emotive crowd gets bigger,
your heart rushes to the door
of terror pleading for anyone,
either munchkins or bakers
who swing through the jungle
on licorice ropes to do something.
Perhaps that heimlich thingy
will save him from an awful fate?
Don't die little Augustus Gloop.
Come outdoors and taste life
where there is so much more zest,
flavour, tang that you can savour.
You're one golden ticket
which should never choke and die!

[Buh4Bee]

This was witty and fun. Great to share with kids after reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Even the most unattractive, should be valued! That little piggy!

[Bar22do]

In full agreement with Buh! Love your poetry, Delta and wish you a healthy, great year 2012!!! Hugs from Bar

[aliengirl]

Lol! It was a fitting ode to the little glutton. It would be fun if you write about other kids too. Love you Delta for sharing this and yes Buh, I agree.

[WolfLarsen]

I agree with everybody! This was fun!

I like the way I didn't know what was good happen next, it was so unpredictable, you never know what was going to come flying off the page at the next line!

Nice title too!

[Hawkman]

It's great fun Delta and the humour, social comment and intertextual referencing are sound and work well. I feel there is a weakness poetically though, as:

"As the emotive crowd gets bigger,
your heart rushes to the door
of terror pleading for anyone,
either munchkins or bakers
who swing through the jungle
on licorice ropes to do something."

is effectively a block of prose, which kind of reads like padding. If you cut it, I actually think it makes for a stronger poem, but this is of course a subjective response. If you feel it adds to the narrative, then perhaps reworking it might help.

Live and be well - H