Alone At The Graves

[ShadowsCool]

Alone At The Graves

I have found happiness there
In the crevices of life that don't speak;
The dead graves that breathe life
As if they talk to me with beauty.

For happiness was fleeting, I grew tired,
Acting as if I should be,
Alone rather at the graves
Above them sounding my eulogy.

[Hawkman]

Not bad Shadows: S1 L3 I'd cut dead and add an e to breath.

S2 Ls 2 & 3 are a bit of a problem though. What exactly are you trying to say? Did you grow tired acting as if you should be happy, or because you'd rather be at the graves? Without knowing what you meant to say I can't suggest a fix, but I would replace sending with sounding in L4.

[Buh4Bee]

I also like this poem, but couldn't make complete sense of the ending. (We don't deliver our own personal eulogy.) Hawkman already asked further questions about S2 L2-3, which I also agree with.

I think the first stanza creates a somber, yet peaceful mood. You articulate the happiness and beauty you experience in this place of death. I think you strike a nice balance between the grimness of a grave yard and the serenity that can be present.

[the facade]

Interesting poem!

[Varenne Rodin]

Was the happiness fleeting before or after you found happiness at the graves? I think perhaps the language of the second paragraph needs to be adjusted to make its meaning clear. Overall I liked it. It reminded me of the movie "Cemetery Man."

[ShadowsCool]

I think I need to work on it more. Thank you for all the solid input.

[Varenne Rodin]

I forgot to mention that I really enjoyed the first four lines. Atmospheric.

[ShadowsCool]

I forgot to mention that I really enjoyed the first four lines. Atmospheric.

*smiles:)

[Bar22do]

I agree, it's much more pleasant to speak with the dead... they never argue with us!!!! but seriously, your poem is atmospheric and with just a push/a bit more job, can convey a great idea. Best of the years to you! from Bar

[ShadowsCool]

I agree, it's much more pleasant to speak with the dead... they never argue with us!!!! but seriously, your poem is atmospheric and with just a push/a bit more job, can convey a great idea. Best of the years to you! from Bar

Thanks Bar for the kind words.
Yes the best of the New Year to you too.
I hope you write some of the best stuff of your young life!