Inventing Christmas from scratch

[DieterM]

Far from home and Mama,
with untimely spring gusts
messing up the pines’ hairy tops,
and snow but a remote dreamcloud,
we invent Christmas from scratch

Crooning on with Frank and Dean
about ye faithful and red noses,
then helping Eddy gobble down the stuffing
and Patsy getting tipsy on Bolly-Stolly
until the sun sneaks away

At last, we stuff ourselves
with Foie Gras, salmon and champagne;
the central heating crackles;
the dog whimpers in her sleep;
sympathetically, the candles flicker

Bright lights twinkle on the tree
as we faithful with red noses
open up our parcels, then play away
this Christmas Eve’s remains
on the Wii Sports Resort

[Hawkman]

Lots to like here Dieter:

Problems start at S3 though, all those semicolons... Try this:

"At last, we stuff ourselves
with Foie Gras, salmon and champagne
while central heating crackles,
the dog whimpers in her sleep
and candles flicker sympathetically."

I'd give S4 a minor adjustment:

"Bright lights twinkle on the tree
as we, the red nosed faithful,
open presents - then we play
for what remains of Christmas Eve
on Wii Sports Resort"

Just a suggestion :)

Live and be well - H

[Haunted]

You sure invented a really nice Christmas with this poem Dieter.

[DieterM]

Thanks to both of you, and Happy New Year, possums, as Dame Edna would have cheered! Your suggestions, Hawkman, are as precious as always and I'll surely consider them for a minor rewrite of the third and fourth verse (absolutely yes for "we, the red nosed faithful" and the "while" allowing us to skip the semicolons). I'll work on it for my blog-post, keeping in mind your quibbles. For the time being, let's start 2012 with a healthy Cheers, and I toasted to all of you LitNetters (with a special mention for you, Hawk, and you, Haunted, and Delta40, zoolane, Auntie Sheckie and PrinceMishkin) with one of the countless glasses of champagne I've drunk these last days.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Great vigour throughout this and I reciprocate your good wishes!