Grounded

[Jack of Hearts]

delete

[Hawkman]

This has a nice flow Jack, right up to "...you look the weight, the fret-". is look a typo for took?

The repetition of No doesn't work for me and I have a problem with "pages come unbounded" which sounds like the aformentioned is book falling apart, in which case it should read unbound. However, from the tone of the poem I suspect that you might mean unbounded in the sense of limitless or freely. I think this needs rewording or the unbinding line needs to be repositioned to flow more naturally from the book metaphor.

The poem uses strong imagery and conveys a stong sense of loss and grief.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

There are actually two metaphors at work - a bird in the hand and a book. I'm not sure the switch from the first to the second works as well as it might because 'you're open as a book' is almost a non sequitur.

I also thought the first line of v2 a little strange... but overall as Hawk says this has potential. It conveys loss in such a non-selfpitying way.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Hey Jack
Can't say i got to the bottom of it even after reading Hill's and Hawk's replies. I too stumbled on unbounded, but found the whole piece a pleasure to read and re-read in my curiosity. Does grounded allude to buried?
cheers JerryB