Christmas Poem

[MystyrMystyry]

My landlord's expressed an interest
He'd like to visit Christmas Day
This as you well might imagine
Causes me some dismay
There'll already be blowflies aplenty,
So what difference one more?
Only that he thinks he is Christmas
'No! No! Stay away!' I mentally implore

It should be a time of rejoicing
I don't need a stinker this day!
The mere thought makes my bile burn
'Oh please please stay away!
'Surely your family want you there?
'Must be someone else you can visit?
'Perhaps a holiday in a nursing home?
'But why me - what is it?'

I peer into those cold red eyes
Strange feeling, something urgent:
I feel internal dirty, need a shower
With industrial detergent!
Wash my hair with vinegar
Start eating cakes of soap
Scrub scrub til there's no skin left
Just like there'll be no hope!

All year long I've suffered this
I don't deserve it now
'Get back to Hell you bastard!
'Do it quick! I don't care how!
'If you don't I can do it for you,
'Sort of a present of sorts,
'To myself this is, and probably all
'To whom you've shared your noughts!'

Down there there'll be no snow to melt
Nor lives for you to disrupt
With your din of a cacophony -
Lord help me, I'm about to erupt!
Grant me once this favour
I urge you on Christmas Day
Whatever the Hell else you do
For Chrissake Stay Away!

[AuntShecky]

Holy Marzipan! This is The Nightmare Before Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and receiving a lump o' coal in one's stocking all rolled into one and
tied with a big red--scratch that, black- bow.

The verse, nevertheless, is amusing, wittily expressed.

Hope the landlord really didn't show up to ruin your holiday but that any visitors you did have were holly, jolly types bearing gifts!

Have a wonderful New Year.

[Jack of Hearts]

We've, of course, encountered Mystyr's landlord before. He's a goldmine of artistic inspiration.








J

[Twota]

hahaha, I like it lots ;D

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Aunty :)

Fortunately he did the right thing and kept his distance. You're right about Grinch and Nightmare, but also Scrooge, also the Abominably Slow Man, Santa's Goblin etc etc.

(A point of note: I was toiling with the title Nightmare Before, but it already has its deserved place in popular culture, and I tried to forge a more resonant title but-... nothing came I'm afraid)

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks JackoH, perhaps why Late Landlord's Last Christmas wouldn't have been the best choice

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Twota. Glad you enjoyed it

[YesNo]

Nice poem about your landlord.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks YesNo

[Jerrybaldy]

I think you love your landlord a little bit...

[MystyrMystyry]

Honestly?

Not a little bit. Not one iota. Not an atom. Not an electron. Not a quark. Not at all.


Thanks for reading it JB :)