Glancing Down

[evansan7]

A barrage of colors unexpected,
Red, yellow, black.
Smooth, glinting in the sun,
Still little heart-stopping scales
Deadly in their order.
Not yet rippling or coiling.
Waiting.

And my foot comes down
Just on the other side
Before I can think to stay it.
I hurry on, stepping lightly,
Loading my toes like springs.
That’s walking in tall grass.

[Haunted]

Yikes, I was surprised a few times myself, oh horror!!! You demonstrated tremendous skill here to show us what it is without saying saying it. Awesome job!!!

[Bar22do]

agreed, fully agreed! evansan, it's impressive indeed! thank you, Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

Yes, beautufuly done, it took me the second read to see it there in the grass. Bit confused by the line 'Before I can think to stay it.'

JerryB

[blank|verse]

There are some nice moments in this, evansan7, I just wonder if it should be a bit more immediate and shock the reader as I imagine it did the poet / narrator? And why the archaic 'colours unexpected', not 'unexpected colours'? Still, a nice little piece.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Shouldn't the last line be "That are walking..."?

Apart from that, tight and vivid.