Blocks

[Buh4Bee]

Blocks

Words fall
and fumble
from my hands
like lettered
blocks
clank
clank
clanking
down the stairs
going nowhere
but down.
At the base,
a random sequence
fluently spelling
crap;
a frustrating mess
of disconnected phonemes
that need to be
deleted.

[AuntShecky]

The beginnings of a pattern poem, I see. Quite a typographical challenge.

Just a couple of things-- "nowhere" is one word. Also, I'd tweak the last two lines. "Needs to be" is unnecessarily passive and a bit unseemly when applied to inanimate objects; just say "should be" or "must be." Likewise, "delete" is more-or-less a term specialized for technological tools whereas the poem treats words as three-dimensional items like blocks tumbling down the stairs.

[Hawkman]

A good representation of the frustration felt when failing to write fluently :D I did wonder about fumble though, thinking that tumble might be more appropriate, but fumble fits with the idea of trying to type a poem but not getting it right. I definitely think you could drop the and before it though, It just isn't necessary.

I enjoyed this piece.

Live and be well - H

[Buh4Bee]

Aunty- Thank you for your valued comments. I agree that "delete" is not the tightest fit for a word choice. However, the notion of delete takes the reader back to the writer's feelings of frustration when trying to write a poem, leaving the childish metaphor.

Hawk- You point out an obvious mistake and I have corrected it. Sometimes, we miss the most simple things. I currently am trying to keep my writing focused on very simple themes as a means to build up my skills. Even though your point is a simple one, it is appreciated and reminds me to think more deeply about my writing. It is hard to not just impulsively post.

Thanks for reading!

[sundarramchand]

This poem seems to be delicately balanced between subtle self deprecation and carrying the self parody to a point to the point of futility (which would evoke the not so random assembly of words "DELETE") and make it an exercise in cleverness but finally, somehow the poem seems to prompt the reader to see the meaning emerge from the ashes.

Great job of walking the tight rope !!!

[Buh4Bee]

It really is no more than it appears to be. I can't take credit for being as clever as creating this piece as a self-parody, but self-deprecating- yes.

added a line- "from my hands". Not sure if it makes much difference but it clarifies why I originally included the word fumble.