the happiest

[peter7805]

no feeling is no， past easy to be old
a thousand cups of wine, poems through tomorrow
the white skin around, the wind can not hold
the endless eve and the romance ,ever flows
the canoe under the moon goes in a row
happily to see bamboo, the fish in water float
black hair purple rose, the plums in the cold
as the oil’s used up it takes away the shadow
love can’t be for-ever, with who I will go
in the end neither said so let go
the leaves on the snow water flows the tears never go
spring summer and fall, the wrinkles quietly roll
why we ever refused to back go
the canoe under the moon goes in a row
happily to see bamboo, the fish in water float
black hair purple rose, the plums in the cold
as the oil’s used up it takes away the shadow
love can’t be for-ever, with whom I will go
in the end neither said, so let go
the leaves on the snow water flows the tears never go
spring summer and fall, the wrinkles quietly roll
why we ever refused to back go
sky and earth can’t be old, there’s an end everything goes
many things can’t be told ,it has a reason for
the leaves on the snow ,water flows, the tears never go
spring summer and fall, the wines dry the tears flow
if it’s not you, I will go, yesterday is easy to be old
a cup of wine and poems through tomorrow

[hillwalker]

I gave up reading this half way through. The rhyme scheme you have chosen - ending so many lines with the word 'go' - and each line so fragmented and awkward.

It's a shame because there are some memorable phrases hidden away inside this but you have lumbered yourself with such a cumbersome form that it's a bit like trying to swim in handcuffs. You drown.

This poem can be resusscitated if you rearrange some of the phrases, try to include a natural flow into the series of images so that each develops from the previous, and forget about to write in rhyme this once.

H