In The Ring

[Twota]

I am in the middle of the ring,
I can't remember, what round is it?
nor hear the bell nor the shouts,
my opponent strikes so hard
but I just block him and run.
I keep turning around myself
searching for my sincere audience,
but only empty chairs look back
cheering for my loss.

All the tickets were sold out
to my lady who never comes herself,
she leaves me to fight alone,
without her or anyone else.
He strikes again and again,
I fall, get up, run and search,
but no one is watching me,
no support, no referee nor rules.

He starts to strike harder
while my strength begins to fade,
my legs can't carry me no more
and my will wants to let go,
another punch throws me
to fall out of the ring.

From the ground I see it all,
she's in there fighting alone,
they all are, no audience,
I understand, get back to the ring
with no strength but strong will,
I have to help my lady
but first I have to win,
I know- I know I can do it,
hope it's not the last round.

[Bar22do]

This is a moving piece Twota, a story of a brave young gentleman who gathers strengths to defend his love. An extended metaphor, with it. This reading involved me, thank you for that. And best to you, Bar

[cacian]

I wish boxing good riddance.
Anyone who calls a sport must be having it on.
I cannot possibly sit there and watch it as it is the most painful I have ever seen.
Thank for such a deep poem and thank you for writing about it in such depth and honesty.

[hillwalker]

It's an interesting metaphor - fighting the good fight for a loved one.

The only problem I had was following the extended metaphor as you stretch it beyond its limits. If you're inside a boxing ring how can you also be running and searching (v.2)?

I also can't figure out who 'they all are' in v. 4. Is it the audience?

The metaphor would benefit from some tightening up in my opinion. Concentrate on the image of the narrator fighting for the one he loves within the confined space of a boxing ring; his opponent is in better shape and likely to beat him black and blue, thre's no one to set the rules, no audience to witness his brave fight (not even his loved one) - but then somehow he realises she also has to fight her own personal battle and needs his support.

H

[Twota]

Bar, cacian and hill..Thanks alot, glad you like it :D

and hill, running within the ring and searching with my eyes ;D and the "they" in v.4 refers to the audience yes :D I will try to make it clearer and yes I agree it needs some tightening up, I will do my best, thanks again. :D

[blank|verse]

Twota - For me, the poem is too well-written! The issue is with the narrator's voice and tone - it's just too controlled, tempered and calm to come across convincingly for this dazed and confused boxer-lover. You need to shake things up a bit and make us feel the narrator's breathless anxiety.

PS. And watch your spelling of 'strength'!

[Hawkman]

Also:

"I can't remember what round is it"

if this is a statement then it should say "...it is"

at present it is worded as a question, and is missing necessary punctuation, ie:

"I can't remember, what round is it?"

I'm afraid I found this a little long and I was skimming by the end.

[Twota]

blank verse, thank you :D you are right about the narrator's voice, I will consider that in my next poems for sure, and strength, my bad haha :D

Hawk, thanks for reading and commenting, I didn't know about that :D thanks for telling me, and yah it's a lil bit long, sorry. :D