Within A Rose Stitched Cloak

[Revolte]

Within a rose stitched cloak
(perverse and self impressed)
is a secret admiration
that I shall never bare
to be stripped of it's desire
and mocked in its truth.
And to those who wonder
just what is unseen
but ever present
to this I say,
you will never know who you are.

But oh!
I must tell!
To let loose this golden egg
And watch it hatch
–creating itself into wing and flesh.
A golden swan
so pure and loved
oh I must, I must!

But, If I am wrong
and the egg is cracked,
it will birth a weed
and strip the green,
neon fields
and dull dandelions
into dust and poisoned pollen.

But oh!
I must tell!

[Jack of Hearts]

to be stripped of it's desire
and mocked in it's truth.

For these two lines, it seems it should be the possessive 'its' (take out the apostrophe... if that's what you meant, anyways).


And to those whom wonder...

'Whom' is an object pronoun. This reader thinks this should be 'who.'

The narrator apparently thinks he's got a 'golden egg'/piece of wisdom/creation that will change everything for everybody. It is kept hidden but it doesn't seem like the narrator can keep it hidden very much longer. If he or she is wrong about whatever the implications of this 'thing' are, it's going to do a great deal of harm.

It's just open enough to interpretation to leave room for the reader to inject their own perspective. But there's a general framework all the same that makes it so the poem doesn't 'wash away' in the analyzing.

This is your finest offering yet, this reader thinks, at least of all the recent ones. And you've been on an upward trend.





J

[Revolte]

For these two lines, it seems it should be the possessive 'its' (take out the apostrophe... if that's what you meant, anyways).



'Whom' is an object pronoun. This reader thinks this should be 'who.'

The narrator apparently thinks he's got a 'golden egg'/piece of wisdom/creation that will change everything for everybody. It is kept hidden but it doesn't seem like the narrator can keep it hidden very much longer. If he or she is wrong about whatever the implications of this 'thing' are, it's going to do a great deal of harm.

It's just open enough to interpretation to leave room for the reader to inject their own perspective. But there's a general framework all the same that makes it so the poem doesn't 'wash away' in the analyzing.

This is your finest offering yet, this reader thinks, at least of all the recent ones. And you've been on an upward trend.





J

fixed thanks for pointing that out.

:) up is a fine place to go, beats pothole filled gravel. everyone likes to fly here and there.