PDA

View Full Version : Cause is Effect



epfleego
12-08-2011, 09:15 AM
A quick introduction to my first post. I'm only twenty, but I have enjoyed writing since I was eight years old. So don't spare the feelings of a "new writer." I'd love to hear everything you have to say, if you have anything at all. You should also know that I've spent a long time developing a certain style. However, I've decided that I'd like to move on and change whatever that style was, once again. To something more disjointed and energetic, and less personal. Change. I've been thinking about it a lot, and it's no coincidence that this is what my latest story is about. It's a short look into the mind of a fictional man. It was fun to write and seemed to complete itself in a matter of minutes. Thanks for your time.

Cause is Effect


There is a strange feeling I get before I change homes. Do you know that feeling? Perhaps not, but we’ve all heard that change effects a cause. Strangely enough, in these cases, change is both the cause and the effect. The occurrence of change manifests the emotion I have no name for, except its own: “change.” This is, of course, the type of change that you know is going to happen; the kind that you make happen. However, leaving the place that you’ve come to call home, whether it take three months or three years, is special.

Today, I walked past the window in my apartment– not the only one, but the one past the bathroom door that I look out of every day– and all of the buildings seem somehow different. Not that they look unusual or one had popped up without my noticing, but different. Except– and here’s the hardest part to explain– maybe I am simply projecting my self-perception onto something I had up until that point thought was so familiar. The buildings suddenly– though maybe I could have noticed it before had I looked harder– seem further away, or maybe my head is trying to tell me that I’m missing something. “There is something there you’ve never seen before. Look harder!” it– he, I, they, somebody– says.

There’s no reply, is there? These days, we are supposed to talk our minds into submission, but how do you talk to something that you can’t identify? Is it a thought, a feeling, a regret? So instead of suffering a classic, literary inner-battle, I linger– just linger, not too long– at the window and just stare, because maybe then I’ll see what it is I am missing. Before the stone of anxiety I’ve kept down with work, laughter and cigarettes– at the scientific rate of cancer before forty– can become the lump in my throat, I convince myself that I need to make a phone call. I have things to do besides figure out what it is that I’m feeling.

Through the scribbling, conversations and smoke it keeps coming back. Someday soon, the view I see every day will be only a memory– then I’ll forget all together– and I will go on to call a new place “home.” Here he is again, “What are you going to leave behind?” This time– maybe– there is a reply. So I spend the days leading up to my departure looking around my apartment. If I want my security deposit back, I can’t leave anything behind, except perhaps my smell.

They say smell is the sense closest linked to memory. “Things happened in this apartment, people lived here, this was a home,” says the smell– those phantom memories– of too many people, too many drinks too much incense and just enough tobacco. Have you ever seen those overly sentimental movies– there’s such a thing as too much sentiment– where the girl cries over her ex-whatever’s sweater? “It still smells like him,” they say, and so they give it away. Eventually, a new man wears that sweater until it is ready to break a new heart. That’s what I spend these last days thinking about. Someone is going to erase the home I made here– have a ritual party and claim it as their own– and I’m about to do the same thing. Start over and trample over someone else’s memories and domain, until I can finally call them my own.

Do you know that feeling? Perhaps not, I hear that no one feels the same things.

cafolini
12-08-2011, 11:44 AM
I think this write has a lot of truths in it. That you focus on a cause and you see that it becomes effect is just as true as that you focus on an effect and you see that it becomes a cause. It's undeniable. No one lives in vaccuo. What you see affects you as cause and your reaction affects what you see as cause. No question about it. There occurs no thing in-itself.
However, one other thing that you are considering here, which is also true is that what you see today and you make somewhat of a conceptual home, might change tomorrow into a new thing and you change your conceptual home all the time. You see a face, for example on Monday and you expect it on Wednesday, but the one on Wednesday is only familiar, never exactly the same. Your perception changes as you grow and that changes your home. Unavoidable.
Now look at it closer. We say that change is the constant of nature. That is true. But by the same token, once you accept what has been said above, there is that change which is the way this works, and humorously, that is not change. It's funny. Home is constantly changing, but that it is constantly changing is constant. And I am not talking about the change that causes the change here. I am proposing that the change that causes the change is also a constant of nature. That's why people have come to see that home is what you carry with you. Not a location.
There is a lot more to this. Good write.

hillwalker
12-08-2011, 11:47 AM
It’s a very interesting first posting. Not sure if it qualifies as a story – more a discourse on what constitutes memory and how quickly we adapt to new situations regardless of the cost of cutting emotional ties.
No.. I’ll rephrase that. It’s more a stand-up routine. I can imagine you on stage sharing an anecdote – but with Woody Allen in the shape of a little red devil perched on your shoulder constantly reminding you to leave no inner thought unexpressed.

It’s well-written, and there are some good touches… that bit about ‘the scientific rate of cancer before forty’… that show you know how to come up with an original phrase or two when you put your mind to it. But I found the almost obsessive internalised dialogue got tiresome after a while.

“Look harder!” it– he, I, they, somebody – says.

was a little too contrived. It’s a very self-conscious piece – almost a case of ‘if you enjoy listening to a comic who constantly spins out his jokes with over-analytical asides, you’ll find this amusing; if not you’ll hate it’.

And I’m still not convinced that cause and effect have changed seats here. Moving house is the cause – creating new memories and discarding the old ones is the effect.
You’re somehow suggesting the physical act of moving home and making somewhere into your new ‘home’ are the same thing.

Still, I enjoyed reading it. If you are working to change your style this is as good a place as any to air your work. I’ll look forward to seeing more.

H

epfleego
12-08-2011, 12:17 PM
Thanks, Hillwalker.

I really appreciate your input.

I'm inclined to agree with you that it may not quite qualify as a story. I think my problem here was a lack of situation, which I know isn't necessarily a problem in all writing, but it seems like part of larger whole, or like you said, a discourse.

I also agree with you on the dialogue. I'm not adept at using it, so I threw it in to deviate from my previous writing style. I do need practice.

And yes, my title draws the play on words involving "change" to a more literal place than I would have liked. I titled it after I had finished writing it, and it was more a pun than anything, "change" being a feeling brought on by the act of change.

And I'm sure this will be an excellent place for me to get what I'm looking for in criticism as well as exposure to other excellent stories and writers. I look forward to being a frequent poster.