Split like twigs

[FozzieFunk]

Time has passed and our paths
have split like twigs
streched out in a fervent storm
and carried further apart
by the sea of tears that tumbled after
although words were uttered in spite
actions heaved a poisonous gas
of brash and spiraling
unhappiness

Despite our disposition
and contrary to our actions
I catch myself indulged
in a lovers nostalgia
of pulling you in close
to a standing snuggle
while your dreadfully cold nose
gavitated to it's home
on my neck.

Your spirit is tenderly missed
my soul seeks amends
I would run to greet you
but time has passed and our paths
have split like twigs

[hillwalker]

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be about a dog and its owner taking different paths (metaphorically or literally) or two lovers. The middle verse doesn't make it clear (dreadfully cold nose?) and doesn't add very much to the poem anyway.

The first verse would also benefit from some trimming. Phrases like 'fervent storm' and 'sea of tears' are tired and worn out by having been used countless times before. And the closing 3 lines of the verse don't make sense grammatically or logically. I think you would do better to re-explore the image of the two paths growing more distant with time and the effect it has on the narrator.

Verse 3 work quite well but there's a lot of over-written breast-beating and heart-wrenchng to wade through before we reach those last 3 lines.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I think this would be more effective if you dropped the last four lines in verses 1 & 2. For me a poem works better when the author presents us with a strong, vivid image and then trusts us to feel what it means, rather than elaborating on it. You need to treat your readers as if they were, or wished to be, collaboraters on your poems.