What do I write to someone who's dying?

[Calidore]

I've just learned that one of my aunts has terminal cancer. They're still doing tests, but it's already spread to her liver, so we're probably looking at short rather than long. It's very depressing because she and my uncle have always been geographically the closest to us, and her daughter is the cousin closest in age to my sister and me, so we were all pretty tight when we were kids. She's since remarried, and her new husband is a great guy, too.

Problem is, while I've been very lucky in that the last (and only) time I had a close family member pass away was nearly 30 years ago when my grandmother died of cancer, that has left me completely at a loss for words now. I want to send both her and my cousin some kind of supportive note, but I have no idea what to say. I'd be very grateful for any help those who have sadly been in this situation can provide.

[kensington]

I would say that I love her, and that my life was so much better for her being in it, and I'd mention things she did for me, or with me, or things I'd learned from her, and tell her that I appreciated it very much, and that I was a better person because of it, (if that's true.) I'd tell her that my cousins and step-uncle are special to me, and that I'd maintain those relationships and remember her warmly whenever we get together. (This "remembering" part if she's not in denial about her impending death.)

I'd say the same things basically to my cousins and to her husband as I said to my aunt. Just change it to, "Your mother means so much to me, (...etc...), and I want us to remain close."

And also I'd say that if I could help in any way, I'd like to do that. And spend time together soon.

[KCurtis]

I would say that I love her, and that my life was so much better for her being in it, and I'd mention things she did for me, or with me, or things I'd learned from her, and tell her that I appreciated it very much, and that I was a better person because of it, (if that's true.) I'd tell her that my cousins and step-uncle are special to me, and that I'd maintain those relationships and remember her warmly whenever we get together. (This "remembering" part if she's not in denial about her impending death.)

I'd say the same things basically to my cousins and to her husband as I said to my aunt. Just change it to, "Your mother means so much to me, (...etc...), and I want us to remain close."

And also I'd say that if I could help in any way, I'd like to do that. And spend time together soon.
This is perfect to say. It is the truth, and you are also acknowledging the reality of her situation, which people appreciate, rather than avoiding. Great, good luck with it.

[Delta40]

I would also ask if there is anything you can do for her now. I say that because she is still here. Is it possible for you to visit her?

[Pensive]

Seconds Delta and the others. You must visit her once if you could though.
Best of luck!

[Calidore]

Huge thanks for all your responses. We're still waiting to learn more, but yes, visits will happen when possible.

[ClaesGefvenberg]

...that has left me completely at a loss for words now.I think you are doing pretty well in your choice of words already. You convey the feeling that she means a lot to you, and I would venture to guess that that is precisely what most of us would like to know when our time comes: That we have meant something to someone.

/Claes

[kensington]

I think you are doing pretty well in your choice of words already. You convey the feeling that she means a lot to you, and I would venture to guess that that is precisely what most of us would like to know when our time comes: That we have meant something to someone.

/Claes



...that has left me completely at a loss for words now.

You're right Claes, that's the thing for him to say right there.