Something short: opinions matter!

[Angelic Devil]

Sometimes when someone writes something, only the writer can understand what the text is about. I want to post what's below and if possible recieve opinions on what the "text means" or if it makes any sense at all. When I read it I feel disconnected myself, but a little opinion would help. (I wrote it of course, but now, I'm begining to think its just me.)

Here goes:
_________
It was a little time ago since... it happened. There is an elusive sense of nostalgia related to the continuously igniting fire that no one seems to comprehend. Fueled by hate, agony, anxiety and desperation and calmed by the blowing of the fresh new breeze that is tomorrow.

“Hope… that is what the wind carries to this small town.”

The world talks and speaks while we lay deaf towards its needs. Frivolous things that we associate with pride, kin, blood and culture that we pay so much attention to that it overwhelms the concept of family, relationships and the silly thing called love.

“Family… I lost track of this concept myself.”

Stories that I have seen on television, internet and radio have become my evident fate. It always sends a sense of grief when I reminiscence my pathetic life.

“I was the lucky child… he was not.”

The truth is that this odd feeling comes to me as the simple irony of a world mocking its residents. It always makes me smile when I realize how fooled I was in the past. I used to read, hear and talk of stories that surrounded me. Things I saw on TV of war, murder, deceit and empty promises have all been “horrific” behaviors of people living a similar existence. Where I lived… housed the opposite.

“Those rotting walls of this house cause me pain consumed by serene grief.”

The way I lived seems like a huge Jigsaw Puzzle with small pieces that are so tiny that it is hard for a professional to connect them without spending a long time. The irritating thing about a Jigsaw puzzle is when it is almost complete… but it is missing the necessary one to complete it. Almost as irritating as playing a jigsaw puzzle and accidently dropping all the pieces on the floor, then losing some under the sofa that you have never thought of looking under, and by the time you do search there, it is vacuumed and thrown away by your mother.

As the person I am, my puzzle pieces were never really connected in neither shape nor size to the person I most looked up to. Each piece that connected with the other looked happy and so the fitting-in was easy and flawless, but those pieces that looked different and had no connecting end failed to convince the other pieces that it belonged with them, but instead, it was considered a lost piece that belonged to another puzzle… a pariah… or perhaps, the reality which has been overlooked, just perhaps, the real problem lay with the other “connecting” puzzle piece, the middle-man, which could not be found.

“I was born in a family that loved me, with a little luck that blessed me, a devastating pain that haunted me, and a little hope for a future beyond me. That is my jigsaw puzzle and that is my story.”
--

Regards,
M

[Angelic Devil]

I thought it might not be clear what this is but:
This will be the "confusing" start of a piece of story that I am writing. It is meant to confuse the reader to what the story may be about, a "monologue" of some sort. The person dictating that piece of writing will remain annonyms (spelling lol 2 lazy at work sorry) until some of the phrases are said later on in the story.

I hope it makes more sense in a way. I would really appreciate opinions on this, I'm starting to lose my "writing" vibe lately. So I am no longer certain of anything I write down.

Cheers,
M

[hillwalker]

If you’re asking purely for our interpretations, here’s mine:

It seems that the narrator is obsessing over some aspect of his past life – the role of fate perhaps in his personal history, and how the future holds little promise of better times ahead.

He feels alienated from his family despite what might well have been an idyllic childhood. He also appears to shun ‘normal’ society because he looks upon himself as a misfit.

There are also aspects of his life that he chooses not to share with the reader – issues that cause him pain.

As for the writing style, it’s a little too self-conscious for my taste. And ‘lay’ in para 3 should be ‘lie’.

H

[AuntShecky]

I'm no expert, but after years of reading works by hopeful writers, I've come to the unshakable conclusion that it's not that young folks don't write enough, it's that they don't read enough!

If you truly have a passion for writing, your primary focus should be on reading the works of the masters. Choose a variety of critically astute fiction writers. Your local public librarian could help you find some good anthologies of short stories from the last three decades. You could also find some good literary fiction online.

When you read each story, ask yourself not only what the writer is trying to say but how he or she is trying to say it. Analyzing good examples can help you learn your craft.

As to this particular piece:

Research the rules on English grammar and composition, including punctuation.
For instance, learn the appropriate use of the ellipsis ("...") It doesn't appear to be correct in several sentences in your work.

Two things to avoid: abstractions and clichés.

Re: the former. The first paragraph is full of vague abstractions: nostalgia, hate, agony, anxiety, desperation. Instead of using these general terms which mean little or nothing out of context, it would have been more effective to choose just one of the concepts and illustrate it with concrete imagery and believable dialogue from real life.

Similarly, later in the piece, this phrase appears:
"Frivolous things that we associate with pride, kin, blood, and culture" Exactly what are these frivolous things? Show us!

That section of your piece ^ ends with "the silly thing called love." Not only is that the title of someone else's pop song, it's also a cliché. Do not use tired, overused, hackneyed expressions.

Unfortunately, the least abstract portion of your piece is also a cliché. Not a day goes by when we don't hear a politician or a TV detective resort to the old chestnut about "the missing piece of the puzzle." When your posting took it a little further --such as spilling the box of jigsaw puzzles and having the important piece roll under the couch-- that's where it began to display a little originality. But I do wish the analogy had started with an object that wasn't so dust-covered to begin with.


You did ask for criticism, so I truly hope you don't take this personally. Please take these comments with a grain of salt (another cliché) as they are offered in a way from which we both can learn.

[Delta40]

I'm not sure how you 'play' a jigsaw puzzle and to be honest, the theme of a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces is rather cliched, no matter how you frame it (pardon the pun) I do think your writing has great potential and therefore as you read and write you will undoubtedly develop well.

Keep going!

[Angelic Devil]

Thanks for your opinions, it is great. No real outcome would come if someone doesn't get some critisim every once in a while.

It is not that I do not read, I've read so much from shakespeare to harry potter, to great expectations to random books I read up from the shelf, so that's not where my problem is. In fact, the amount I've read seems to confuse me about my own "ideas" and forces me to slightly lose myself into someone else's wtiting. Although my interst shifts towards poetry more.

The reason though, that I posted that, is to see what kind of understanding would it mean to others, and what could they derive from it, beside me, as I think, I've sunk between everything I read.

Thanks though, it is highly appreciated. I'm happy I'm referred to as a young person, its been a long time!

Cheers,
M

[hillwalker]

Losing yourself in someone else's writing - you probably think that's a negative thing, an euphemism for copying someone else'e work or at least their style. Well they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and if you allow your imagination a little freedom your subconscious might throw in one or two original ideas. But it's like a muscle, you have to keep exercising it.

If you simply have too many ideas orbiting inside your head treat each one as a starting point for a piece of writing and stay focussed on that one thought. Explore it from as many angles as possible and try to find as many new things to say about it that no one else has already written. There's a chance your brain will come up with something original - and even if it's rubbish at least it clears all the clutter inside your head.
Some call this off-the-cuff scribbling stream of consciousness writing - picking one 'topic' or word and seeing where it can lead you. It's a bit like lateral thinking but you're taking notes as you go along.

You should also keep reading in order to discover how other writers avoid the basic flaws Aunty has highlighted in your piece. And make sure you also write for at least ten minutes each day just to keep the creative juices flowing (damn - there goes another cliché).

H

[Angelic Devil]

Losing yourself in someone else's writing - you probably think that's a negative thing, an euphemism for copying someone else'e work or at least their style. Well they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and if you allow your imagination a little freedom your subconscious might throw in one or two original ideas. But it's like a muscle, you have to keep exercising it.

If you simply have too many ideas orbiting inside your head treat each one as a starting point for a piece of writing and stay focussed on that one thought. Explore it from as many angles as possible and try to find as many new things to say about it that no one else has already written. There's a chance your brain will come up with something original - and even if it's rubbish at least it clears all the clutter inside your head.
Some call this off-the-cuff scribbling stream of consciousness writing - picking one 'topic' or word and seeing where it can lead you. It's a bit like lateral thinking but you're taking notes as you go along.

You should also keep reading in order to discover how other writers avoid the basic flaws Aunty has highlighted in your piece. And make sure you also write for at least ten minutes each day just to keep the creative juices flowing (damn - there goes another cliché).

H

My only problem is that everything I want to jot down happens to be something I read somewhere, saw somewhere or heard somewhere, so originality can be a little hard to spot.

Thank you for your comments, it gives me hope.

Cheers,
M

[hillwalker]

You're welcome.

Where do you think everybody else gets their ideas from? I should think it's about 75% personal observation and 25% imagination. It's how you translate that observation to something personal that decides whether you are merely recycling someone else's thoughts or presenting your own unique interpretation.

H

[WolfLarsen]

Angelic Devil.

This was good writing. Have you heard of something called the Norton anthology? Of course you have! This is as good as some of the works in the Norton anthology.

I thought thatAunt Shecky's review of your work was rather cruel, and I disagree with many of the issues she had with the work. Anyway, from reading the work I thought it seemed like the author had read plenty, after all the work is comparable in quality to what one might find in the Norton anthology. In addition, this is better than some work that wins the pushcart prize. And, frankly this work is better than most stuff you find in prestigious literary magazines.

Please do not let the harsh criticisms of others stop you from writing. You've got talent. Thank you for sharing. And happy new year!

[hillwalker]

Angelic Devil.

This was good writing. Have you heard of something called the Norton anthology? Of course you have! This is as good as some of the works in the Norton anthology.

Nurse, the screens please.

H

[Haunted]

Angelic Devil, to be brutally honest I have not the foggiest idea what you are talking about. It's filled with generality that means nothing. It's so vague it's actually boring so I stopped reading it midway. I think you have your work cut out for you. Maybe you want to write down what you want to say, then build images / metaphors / symbolisms around your theme to "illustrate" and not merely saying it.

[themiddleprince]

Well, Angelic Devil, you've rather kicked it all off now, haven't you?

It reads as if you're trying to distill feeling to its most basic sensation; that is, on the whole and as you intimated in one of your responses, more usually (and more effectively) done with poetry.

Obvious exercise - structure your piece as a poem.

I don't think Aunty was being cruel at all. Her observations were pretty inarguable (as they tend to be, fancy reading and ripping The Middle Prince sometimes, Aunty dearest? I'll go and hide in the Bora Bora caves while you do it...) and your reaction to them was entirely correct.

Oh and interpretation: I wondered if it was a twin who's sibling had died?

[Little Gal]

I am just a nothing in the crowd of the learned men n women out here...
but I guess the piece has a lot many possibilities which have been overlooked...
being well read is important, avoiding stale ideas is important, shocking with newness is important... agreed..
but it is also important to do what you have done in this piece, looking closely in urself...it may not be the way people want it to be, but it is still your very own...

[xtianfriborg13]

Losing yourself in someone else's writing - you probably think that's a negative thing, an euphemism for copying someone else'e work or at least their style. Well they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and if you allow your imagination a little freedom your subconscious might throw in one or two original ideas. But it's like a muscle, you have to keep exercising it.

If you simply have too many ideas orbiting inside your head treat each one as a starting point for a piece of writing and stay focussed on that one thought. Explore it from as many angles as possible and try to find as many new things to say about it that no one else has already written. There's a chance your brain will come up with something original - and even if it's rubbish at least it clears all the clutter inside your head.
Some call this off-the-cuff scribbling stream of consciousness writing - picking one 'topic' or word and seeing where it can lead you. It's a bit like lateral thinking but you're taking notes as you go along.

You should also keep reading in order to discover how other writers avoid the basic flaws Aunty has highlighted in your piece. And make sure you also write for at least ten minutes each day just to keep the creative juices flowing (damn - there goes another cliché).

H

Very informative and helpful. I'm really learning a lot from this forum!