Daddy in a box

[Jerrybaldy]

Daddy in a box,
is it to this that I aspire?
A bugle call
to a maritime memory?
The crackle and whistle
of the embers of your bones?
The queue of the passed,
waiting to be burnt?
I stare at stained glass,
to be stoic like you, dad,
you bastard,
teaching the art of not feeling,
how do I unlearn that?

[Delta40]

you can't but you can remind us in brutal form

[qimissung]

You can, but it will hurt. Wow, jerrybaldy, just wow. It's not just boys who suffer when their dads can't express their emotions, either. Really makes me think of my dad, God bless him.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Has anyone referred to this as "brillant" yet? Wow, Jerry!

[Jack of Hearts]

Is this about a funeral and cremation? This reader is apprehensive... he's made bad reads on your poems before....

That's a heck of a question to end the poem with.







J

[BobbyIce]

Very emotionally charged in a good way. As a reader I'm attracted to the strong feelings of distressed resentment, and a desperate plea for answers to questions without such lucid conclusions.

It almost seems like the speaker attempts to outline the vicious cycle of being "stoic like you" and refute it while also having it ingrained in their very consciousness, perhaps implanted from "dad".

A very worthy idea to add such strong emotion to, and while I don't find myself particularly keen on criticism or giving advice, I would up the subtelty, just a bit, for the sake of an even more transparent and dynamic delivery of emotion to the reader.

Other than that the piece is suffiecient in delivering the somber feeling of past wounds from close relatives and I enjoyed the read.

[Haunted]

Powerful stuff, it hits all the right spots. I know where you are coming from, been behind that "stained glass", only that there was no "stained glass" *gulp*. That's some art, worth learning I think...

[Jerrybaldy]

Thanks Delta , glad I am still brutal :)
qimissung. Thanks for the wows and you are right it isnt only sons.
Prince (Jer#1)nope nobody said it was brilliant :D thanks my friend
Jack. Bang on mate.
Bobby thanks for reading and analysing. Much appreciated.
Haunted , you overthought that stained glass, can see how. I meant staring into a stained glass window at a funeral to avoid showing emotion, but I like your theory more :)

[AuntShecky]

A cri de coeur if I ever heard one, Jer. (If I spelled that right.)

This is a recurrent theme from you, but it's no less resonant with this outing.

Again, that strong "voice" displaying emotional courage some of us who aspire to writing can only wish for.

[Fellsman]

Kudos! The accolades are well deserved...


Fellsman

[Haunted]

yeah you''re right... for a moment I thought someone else been there too. But it's better that theyr'e not. But doens't make the poem less heartbreaking.

[Buh4Bee]

I like the ones from the heart.