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DieterM
12-05-2011, 09:36 AM
Do you remember this?
The two of us walking barefoot
on a silver beach, backs ablaze,
glimmers hopping on jaunty waves,
our own shadows cooling our feet,
our skin reeking of coconut oil and liquid sun
and grilled octopus,
our arms shiny with tiny white crystals,
fluffy reed greetings floating in the air,
a gnarled olive tree inviting us
to sit down and make sweaty love?

Because I seem to remember it this way,
even if I know we didn’t make love,
no longer under olive trees,
our story getting transparent,
the first fresh turmoils replaced by
whatevers and shrugs and a new cooldom,
and still I looked at you with
pink lenses, the pink lenses of ignorance,
and still we found things to talk about,
little buoys we’d cling to.
And I remember how inconsequential
my unhappiness felt…

Twota
12-05-2011, 10:48 AM
I really like the 1st stanza :D , but I just didn't like -to sit down and make sweaty love?- :D

PrinceMyshkin
12-05-2011, 10:52 AM
How beautifully this flows and how much sad wisdom is packed into those final two lines!

smerdyakov
12-05-2011, 11:20 AM
Touching poem. Thanks for sharing.

Bar22do
12-05-2011, 05:06 PM
Your ending is masterful, I love your poem except "sweaty love" which imo doesn't really fit. Perhaps "to sit down and flirt", though either way, it makes one feel as if the old gnarled olive tree was a voyeur, and that would unfair to such a noble creature!

Thanks for sharing,

Bar

DieterM
12-06-2011, 07:19 AM
Thanks to all of you for commenting. As for the sweaty love, it's perhaps the "sweaty" that doesn't really fit; I'll think it over ("sunstreaked" or something similar would be better maybe?). But, believe me, Bar, as gnarled old olive trees go, they've seen so many things... just try to imagine what they must've witnessed back in the Ancient Greeks' times! Now I'd like to think they wouldn't stare in too voyeurish a fashion; they'd look somewhere else, wouldn't they? And if they could catch a glimpse - hey, that's where the reddish olives come from, after all, don't they? lol