December 3rd

[Revolte]

The air was cold and gray
when the streets mirrored rivers
with the sun fogged and lost
behind the frozen wind.

That night it seemed
the world disappeared.

[hillwalker]

Good poem which would be a great poem if you took out that 1st 'telling' line and left the rest of the poem to 'show' us what you saw.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

If you were inclined to take Hill's advice, the alleged "telling" might be replaced by


In the cold gray air
the streets mirrored rivers

but I didn't find it intrusive as you had it. I admire the economy of the poem.

[smerdyakov]

Nice poem. It is direct and paints a clear picture in the reader's mind.
I especially like the finishing couplet; it gave me the sense of being on a deserted street on a cold night. Thanks for sharing.

[Haunted]

I enjoyed it for its brevity and at the same time the scene you conveyed is moody and vivid, like a little painting in an art gallery.

[qimissung]

I agree. December 3rd is an important day to me. I loved your poem's brevity and moodiness.

[Revolte]

Thank you for the kind words. And Hill as always I'll take that into mind for future reference.

[firefangled]

I liked this concise poem, but I do agree with Hill, removing the first line creates anticipation.