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Cross
12-02-2011, 10:12 PM
Fire from the Sky -

“FIRE, FIRE FROM THE SKY!” Screamed little Timmy, running up the dark suburban street. The sky was dark, unlit by the mood and stars on this night, covered by dark heavy clouds. Even the perfect green lawns and white picket fences looked menacing in the dark that not even the street lamps could fully penetrate. Lights came on in the houses as sleep worn inhabitants rushed onto their porches to watch the small ragged boy running down the street.
“FIRE RAINS FROM THE SKY!” he screamed again in a high, terrified voice. As the residents of the neighborhood looked to the roiling clouds above, the ground was lit by a brilliant red flash from at least a mile away. The flash was soon followed by a shattering blast wave, blowing yard decorations into a frenzy and sending the people who had ventured from their porches into a flailing stumble. The wave of hot air led the sounds of a withering blast. Just as the wind had calmed, the clouds above were lit by the same red light, only brighter this time, and right over their heads. The ominous glow continued for a whole minute before the clouds parted and a massive fireball could be seen streaking from the sky. Almost slowly, it arced, coming to blast, unwavering toward the small suburban community.
With a shrieking crash, the projectile slammed into the ground, immediately annihilating a dozen houses and sending airborne shrapnel in all directions. The blast of hot air that followed decimated at least another fifty houses in the same square mile. But on the boy ran, screaming his message to the people of earth as they were assaulted by these cosmic projectiles.
After almost four hours of the withering assault on the west coast of America, the meteors stopped falling, leaving a smoke clogged sky, and acid raining down onto those who had survived the onslaught. Forest fires were spreading rapidly as small flecks of burning rock still rained from the sky. At least four hundred square miles of once inhabited land had been demolished, leaving massive craters perforating the dark soil like a huge mass of Swiss cheese.
Miles and miles away, the clouds parted for only a second before the eyes of an astrologist staring into the sky with his telescope. They revealed the surface of another planet, floating just outside the earth’s atmosphere, it’s surface a dark green with massive pools of deep azure blue breaking the masses of green into continents. It was about the size of earth, but was much lusher, much greener. As he looked upon its surface, he found it to be like looking into a satellite feed staring down at a military compound. Massive anti air guns were settled in between even larger metal houses and halls and hangers. These gun’s barrels, he estimated, were each larger than the empire state building, while four were settled into each gun, thousands of which littered the surface of the planet.
This was the war of the worlds, literally, and this strange planet was prepared, while the earth was nothing of the sort.

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Wrote this in a few minutes I had of spare time at school. Got a burst of inspiration and it didn't follow through to where I could tweak it, so it's a bit rough.

hillwalker
12-03-2011, 10:27 AM
Yes - it looks rushed and not particularly well thought out.

There are some howling typos - the 'mood' for the moon - and the 'astrologer' is presumably an astronomer.

And as far as the story goes it's a bit of a damp squib. The build-up isn't that bad, though 'sleep worn inhabitants' is a little clunky. But all that action condensed into two short paragraphs and the sudden denoument is uneffective. It's an outline for a story not a story. And it's not explained why the boy runs screaming into the street so his presence in the story seems pointless.

H