The Apple Tree

[Twota]

In a mix of delight and surprise,
he observes a beautiful crowned tree
with hundreds of strong branches
and millions of green leaves.

He stands in the shadow of the princess
and looking down at his palm
which once held a seed of an apple,
he wonders if that could ever be this.

A falling apple cuts the fine thought
and he quickly leans down to pick it up,
he excavates deeper with careful bites,
at the core he finds his answer- the seed.

[Jack of Hearts]

Twota, welcome back.

Your reader felt like he's watched you develop a bit on these forums. Then you took a break. And then you shared this.

Of course, it isn't perfect. They never are. Maybe the desire for perfection and failing to achieve it is cyclical, is what keeps us writing. But this was so good. There is so much right about it, so much that says its author is on the right trajectory and developing himself meaningful.

Great work, Twota.





J

[hillwalker]

Hi again - yeh, it's good to have you back.

This poem shows you've taken a number of steps in the right direction. The metaphor of the apple and the tree are handled quite well.

I'm not fond of over-the-top statements like 'hundreds of strong branches/and millions of green leaves.' because neither can remotely apply to a single tree.Instead of portraying a large tree you suggest something impossible to picture.

I was also wondering why you mention the seed in stanza two when one supposes it's the hidden twist at the end.

But you're developing as a writer so keep it up

H

[Twota]

Thanks alot jack and hill :D I am glad I am back on here :party:

[Delta40]

Hi Twota welcome back. I agree about the seed in S2 when it's so obviously the twist in S3 but it's wonderful to see you grow - like the apple!

[Twota]

deltaaa :D thank you :D and I will try to fix that line in S2. :D

[Bar22do]

All my support for this one and nice to see you back on the page!

Perhaps, "'(...) looking down on his palm" instead of "looks down"?

All my best, Twota!
Bar

[Twota]

thanks alot bar :D and yah, I fixed the line now. :biggrin5: