Abominable Sonnet? Please help

[gamer3301]

Hello, for my University English class I am supposed to write an abominable sonnet. I can not seem to find anything about this type of sonnet on Google. It is supposed to be a Shakespearean sonnet written in iambic pentameter but what makes an abominable sonnet different than a regular Shakespearean sonnet? Can someone please help me by pointing out what is supposed to be different?

[Seasider]

I'd write about my English teacher if I were you!!

[Whifflingpin]

Just write the best sonnet you can - someone will find it abominable

[Seasider]

I was being ironical before.

What arouses in you feelings of disgust? Choose that for your subject matter.

[PeterL]

Whiff is right; just write a sonnet. They are just fourteen lines of iambic pentameter.

[Fellsman]

Hi gamer3301

I am sure you are perfectly familiar with the technical requirements of the Shakespearian style sonnet. The person setting the question is, I am certain, indulging in humorous irony. May I suggest that you be equally ironic and write a standard sonnet about a yeti?

Best wishes

Fellsman

[gamer3301]

Ok, thanks for the replies. I have written a sonnet and I would like to get an opinion on it. I know I am not the best poet but maybe someone can give me some advice on the iambic pentameter and what I can do to improve the poem. Thanks.


I sit silently, awaiting my turn,
Anticipating the opponents move.
So tense, that my belly begins to churn.
I hope the situation will improve.
A wager has finally been set forth,
However I am too focused to be alarmed.
For victory belongs to me henceforth,
A drop of sweat has rolled down the foes arm.
My face remains as still as a bolder,
As I read my opponent's like a book.
He twitches freely and his face smolders,
I am relaxing as he is now hooked.
I feel sympathy for this beginner,
Nevertheless I'm glad I'm the winner.

- D.A.L.

[Seasider]

Five beats to the bar. Short Long Short Long Short Long Short Long Short Long'
As in
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day.
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea.
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way.
And leaves the world to darkness, and to me.

[PeterL]

Ok, thanks for the replies. I have written a sonnet and I would like to get an opinion on it. I know I am not the best poet but maybe someone can give me some advice on the iambic pentameter and what I can do to improve the poem. Thanks.


I sit silently, awaiting my turn,
Anticipating the opponents move.
So tense, that my belly begins to churn.
I hope the situation will improve.
A wager has finally been set forth,
I am much too focused to be alarm'd.
For victory belongs to me henceforth,
A drop of sweat has rolled down the foes arm'd.
My face remains as still as a boulder,
As I read my opponent's like a book.
He twitches freely and his face smolder,
I'm relaxing as he's now on a hook.
I feel sympathy for this beginner,
Nevertheless I'm glad I'm the winner.

- D.A.L.

I improved the rhyme, but it still isn't as abominable as some sonnets.

[Fellsman]

It is clear you understand some of the basics of the so-called traditional English sonnet, but you still have some way to go. I am assuming no one would deliberately want to write abominable poetry, and can see no academic merit at all in doing so. Check out line 9.

My face remains as still as a boulder

This line does not work because although the syllable count is correct, it is not iambic pentameter, or putting it another way, does not employ prosodic rhythm. This is because the word boulder wrecks the rhythm by having a stressed syllable before the unstressed syllable.

Line eleven He twitches freely and his face smolder is simply illiterate. You have the option of fixing these errors, or perhaps simply submitting your effort unedited as a truly abominable poem.


Regards

Fellsman

[hillwalker]

I've already posted a more comprehensive reply in the Reading Poetry thread since you seem to have opened discussion in 2 locations so I won't repeat everything here. The basic problem with this is that the metre is off in every single line except one.
An Iamb is a simple (ti-tum) beat – where the weight falls on the second syllable. An iambic pentameter means there are five iambs to each line:

ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum (o-x o-x o-x o-x o-x)

Your sonnet has the right number of syllables in most lines but it doesn’t feature a single line of iambic pentameter except for L3.

If you read your poem out loud in a natural voice you’ll hopefully see where you’re going wrong.

For example, L 11 is almost right – but we pronounce ‘smolders’ as smolders with the weight on the first syllable not smolders with the weight on the second. You need to find a word like ‘implodes’ where the accent does fall naturally on the second syllable for it to fit the pattern.

You really need to go back to the drawing board and start thinking of simple double-beat lines that maintain a simple ti-tum ti-tum rhythm from beginning to end.

Good luck

H

[PeterL]

Don't worry about the meter too much. Most [poetry that is supposed to be metrical is not very good at it. Say that the bad meter makes it abominable.