Abominable Sonnet?

[gamer3301]

Hello, for my University English class I am supposed to write an abominable sonnet. I can not seem to find anything about this type of sonnet on Google. It is supposed to be a Shakespearean sonnet written in iambic pentameter but what makes an abominable sonnet different than a regular Shakespearean sonnet? Can someone please help me by pointing out what is supposed to be different?

[Charles Darnay]

Could it be literal? Abominable = disgusting: so write a disgusting sonnet? There is something amiss here: either on your professor's end or yours (a misunderstanding). Was there no information in the assignment outline that points you in the right direction?

[hillwalker]

I agree - you're probably expected to write a standard Shakespearean sonnet, but one where the form and rhyme scheme force you to write abominably - something along the lines of

I wrote a sonnet once just for a laugh:
So bad it made my readers whinge and weep,
So forced the verse, taste vanished off the graph
And made me wish perchance I'd gone to sleep...

you get the idea I'm sure. Good luck with it.

H

[gamer3301]

Ok, thanks for the replies. I have written a sonnet and I would like to get an opinion on it. I know I am not the best poet but maybe someone can give me some advice on the iambic pentameter and what I can do to improve the poem. Thanks.


I sit silently, awaiting my turn,
Anticipating the opponents move.
So tense, that my belly begins to churn.
I hope the situation will improve.
A wager has finally been set forth,
However I am too focused to be alarmed.
For victory belongs to me henceforth,
A drop of sweat has rolled down the foes arm.
My face remains as still as a bolder,
As I read my opponent's like a book.
He twitches freely and his face smolders,
I am relaxing as he is now hooked.
I feel sympathy for this beginner,
Nevertheless I'm glad I'm the winner.

- D.A.L.

[gamer3301]

Any suggestions appreciated, I am pretty sure some of my iambic pentameter is off.

[hillwalker]

The problem with this is that the metre is off in every single line except one.
An Iamb is a simple (ti-tum) beat – where the weight falls on the second syllable. An iambic pentameter means there are five iambs to each line:

ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum ti-tum (o-x o-x o-x o-x o-x)

Your sonnet has the right number of syllables in most lines but it doesn’t feature an iambic pentameter until L3.

I sit silently, awaiting my turn, (o o x o o o x o o x)

Anticipating the opponents move. (o x o o o o o x o x)

So tense, that my belly begins to churn. (o x o o x o o x o x)

I hope the situation will improve. (o x o x o x o x o x)

A wager has finally been set forth, (o x o o x o o o x x)

However I am too focused to be alarmed. (o x o o o o x o o o o x) - 12 syllables?

For victory belongs to me henceforth, (o x o o o x o x o x)

A drop of sweat has rolled down the foes arm. (o x o x o x o o x x)

My face remains as still as a bolder, (o x o x o x o o x o)

As I read my opponent's like a book. (o o x o o x o x o x)

He twitches freely and his face smolders, (o x o x o x o x x o)

I am relaxing as he is now hooked. (x o o x o o x o o x)

I feel sympathy for this beginner, (o o x o o o o o x o)

Nevertheless I'm glad I'm the winner. (x o o x o x o o x o)


If you read these lines out loud in a natural voice you’ll hopefully see where you’re going wrong.

For example, L 11 is almost right – but we pronounce ‘smolders’ as smolders with the weight on the first syllable not smolders with the weight on the second. You need to find a word like ‘implodes’ where the accent does fall naturally on the second syllable for it to fit the pattern.

As for repairing the rest of this you really need to go back to the drawing board and start thinking of simple double-beat lines that maintain a simple ti-tum ti-tum rhythm from beginning to end.

Good luck

H

[JBI]

I would disagree with some of the scannings - there are some softer stresses that I would count as stresses, and some which you scanned quite weirdly.

That being said, the goal of iambic pentameter is not actually to be perfect pattern, but rather have 5 stresses in one line. That's it.