Incitatus - (A Horse's Tale).

[Fellsman]

I'm big and very beautiful
As you'd expect, of course
I live a very privileged life -
The Emperor's favourite horse.

My owner is Caligula
Of noble blood is he
He owns only the very best
And that's why he chose me.

My stable's made of marble
And my stall of ivory
Quarters of the finest build
As anyone can see.

But let me say in confidence
My master's Oh! So bad
In fact, betwixt just you and me
I think he's raving mad!

He really has no morals
And his virtues are so few
He has sex with his sister
And his blessed Mother too.

And yet, he thinks the world of me
He'll love me ever more
In fact, he plans to make me be
A Roman Senator...

He gave me eighteen servants
To indulge my every whim
And hosted parties in MY name
So typical of him.

He then declared I should be wed
(I said he's mad, you see?)
Betrothed me to a filly
Who was named 'Penelope'.

And so, life just got better
As it's only true to tell
Your author, who has everything
Now has his oats as well.

There really is much more to tell -
So much that I could say
Though perhaps I'll keep the juicy bits
Until another day.



About this poem:

History, alas, does not record the fate of Incitatus
But it would be wishful thinking to suppose the wretched
animal survived the excesses of the ruthless Praetorian Guard,
even though the death of such a beautiful horse would probably
sadden far more people than the death of the insane Emperor...

[hillwalker]

A fair attempt at humorous verse - and of course once you've encumbered yourself with a repetitive rhyme scheme there's no escape.

Normally I would cringe at lines like 'Of noble blood is he' where you've twisted the syntax in order to maintain the rhyme but I can forgive you this once. But like your previous posting it's rather old hat. If you like poetry that rhymes and a rather flowery way of expressing yourself all well and good - but, of course, poetry is about much more than this.

H

[Fellsman]

Hi Hillwalker

Thanks once again for your comments, and I really do appreciate them: In my defence however I will add that unlike you, I don't consider rhyme and rhythm an encumbrance. The free verse fraternity have their adherents, but I believe the prosody is the very essence of poetry, and really, the distinction between free verse and prose is so blurred as to be virtually meaningless.

Sincere regards

Fellsman

[Jack of Hearts]

Yeah, this reader heard about the horse thing while researching Plutarch. What a strange idea to write a poem from the horse's perspective. It is a bit on the 'ye olde' side of the road, but whoever complains about a horse poem is no friend of nobody.







J

[Varenne Rodin]

I love rhyme! I have a great deal of respect for Hillwalker's words, and I feel I learn a lot from everyone on Litnet, I just can't shake my love of rhyme. I like very serious poems as well, but this was so light and engaging. Thank you for the entertainment!

[Fellsman]

[QUOTE=Jack of Hearts;1093893]Yeah, this reader heard about the horse thing while researching Plutarch. What a strange idea to write a poem from the horse's perspective. It is a bit on the 'ye olde' side of the road, but whoever complains about a horse poem is no friend of nobody.


Good morning Jack (I was about to salute "Hi Jack" - but realised my folly just in time).

Although somewhat long in the tooth compared with most poets on here, I appreciate all constructive critique, it is no secret why, I simply want to improve my writing. Thanks for responding:

Regards

Fellsman

[Fellsman]

I love rhyme! I have a great deal of respect for Hillwalker's words, and I feel I learn a lot from everyone on Litnet, I just can't shake my love of rhyme. I like very serious poems as well, but this was so light and engaging. Thank you for the entertainment!


Ms Rodin

Your kind response to my first two poems posted on this site is really appreciated. Thank you.

Fellsman

[hillwalker]

Hi Fellsman,

It's not rhyme or regular metre I object to - if you check back you'll see I've actually gone down that path a few times in the past. And rhyme doesn't always have to be tagged on the end of every line - it can be hidden internally and be just as effective. But when the rhyme scheme forces the writer to churn out awkward, back-to-front lines he should ask himself 'Is this what I really wanted to say?'

The line I picked up on would normally be written as 'He is of noble blood' (I hope you at least agree on that point) but to maintain rhyme you have written it in a rather archaic fashion. In this context it works for this poem, but you are on a slippery slope if you place rhyme and metre ahead of clear expression.

And that's what disheartens me by so many aspiring poets on here who post a poem where the rhyme and beat are (not always!) meticulously adhered to but the ensuing lines have become garbled. So many have this idea in their heads that all poetry has to rhyme - and if theirs rhymes it must be poetry. I'm not including you in this diatribe by the way, just airing my thoughts.

Because of their blinkered approach to creating poetry we never get to hear their individual voice. They are too preoccupied juggling syllables and sounds in order to copy a structure that fitted a template designed centuries ago to write anything remotely original. We only get recycled thoughts at best - and everybody suffers.

Rhyme isn't easy, and that's the problem. There are plenty of words out there that rhyme, but few that fit well together. It's good of you to respond to my criticism (which is well intentioned by the way) - keep writing but loosen those corsets. You mention your age - that's no excuse, man.

H

[Fellsman]

Hi Hillwalker


Make no mistake, I really do appreciate all critique, in particular from people like you who clearly take the trouble to actually read poems you comment on. As you say, age is no excuse, and I specifically came to this site because I have been told that the critiques are honest, to the point - and designed to let authors see their poems through the eyes of others, which I suppose is a good start along the road to producing better work.

Thanks once again.

Fellsman

[hillwalker]

Do you belong to a local writers' group. Take it from me, it's just as enlightening to see people's expressions as hear what they have to say about your work. And in my experience one gets more meaningful support and encouragement face to face than you might on here (present company excepted, of course).

H

[Fellsman]

Alas, I am not a member of a writers' group. However, I do think that it is a positive suggestion. I like your style Mr Hillwalker even if at times I do worry about your bashfulness.


Kindest regards from the beautiful Lake District here in Cumbria

Fellsman