Broadband

[Hawkman]

They told me it was broadband
and they said that it was fast
but reliable, it isn’t,
though it has been in the past,
for Monday morning troubles
seem to plague me every day,
prompting me to pen this verse
so I can have my say.

The green lights are all flashing
and my second phone works too
but when I try to email
I just can’t get through to you;
my password is rejected
while my browser just times out -
I’m cut off from the world
and so I sit and scream and pout.

I’m shelling out good money
for this service I can’t use,
honestly it’s just too much
I’m gonna blow a fuse;
when all my favourite websites
languish firmly out of reach,
I can’t get on to lit-net,
to upload my latest peach.

There’s more to life than poetry
some philistine has said,
but if I get my hands on him
he’ll surely wind up dead.
With no internet connection
I will have to use my head,
so I'm gonna try and reach you
with telepathy instead.

[hillwalker]

M e s s a g e r e c e i v e d ...

It's actually more reliable than broadband except there seemed to be some interference at the beginning. Have you been at the port again?

Great piece of humour this, Hawk.

H

[cacian]

NarrowBand more like I say..:yawnb:
Great poem with humour to tackle such a ''nuisancical'' problem!
I like this line

I can’t get on to lit-net,
to upload my latest peach

I was going to add..are you sure it is not a cookie:biggrin5:

[cafolini]

NarrowBand more like I say..:yawnb:
Great poem with humour to tackle such a ''nuisancical'' problem!
I like this line


I was going to add..are you sure it is not a cookie:biggrin5:

If it's a cookie, it's a true lemon.

[Hawkman]

Thanks hill sorry you are subject to atmospherics, could be a solar flare, but no, not at the port this morning, not till the sun's well over the yardarm, and anyway, I lean much more to the right :D

cacian: thanks, glad you enjoyed it. :)

cafolini: a twist of lemon often improves the flavour.

Live and be well - H

[YesNo]

I liked those first four lines in the last stanza about the philistine.

[MystyrMystyry]

I think Hill may have meant to type porn

I didn't mind this - it perfectly expresses the hopeless frustration I often feel with the snailslow to non-existent upload times I get periodically (always when it's something urgent curiously). I think it happens to test ones patience, to force one to appreciate that the internet works at all. I've discerned that for me it happens four times a day, at the threes and nines one week and then at the fives and elevens, then at the twos and eights etc - I'm yet to work out the fibonacci relevance however.

[blank|verse]

Nice work, Hawk, know the feeling well of breaking down on the information super-hard-shoulder. Smart ending as well. Enjoyable stuff.

[Haunted]

This is universal truth:

Monday morning troubles
seem to plague me every day

I think everyday should be Friday. Would that solve the problem, Hawk?

I'm no smart cookie (not those from websites) but have you tried pulling the plug out to completely power down? Sometimes it's all it takes, something to do with zeroing out electrical charges, or something like that. Just a quick tip from the Haunted Helpdesk :)

I certainly see the humor and distress you feel throughout the poem, especially for not being able "to upload my latest peach", but I hope it didn't interfere with downloading the other peaches :D

[Hawkman]

Y/N: I'm glad you found at least four lines to like :D

MM: I don't know what hil's intention may have been in this regard, but I assure you I only visit sites where intellectual masturbation is the norm :devil:

I have not identified any regular pattern in the interruptions to my internet access, but like you, I find it usually happens at singularly inconvenient moments.

b/v: thanks for that, glad you could relate to the frustration - lol. I loved, "information super-hard-shoulder." Great line :D

Live and be well - H

OOps! Haunted: where did you spring from - lol as for downloading "other peaches" please see my response to MM :D Yes I tried your suggestion, by the way, and as The equipement in question had only just been switched on it shouldn't have made any difference - It's the fault of my ISP I'm afraid, very unreliable and I'm seriously considering taking my custom elsewhere, but there are not a lot of choices available in my current location. As for Friday, it's a day which traditionaly produces duff products, or so I believe ;)

Live and be well - H

[Buh4Bee]

Very amusing Hawkman. I don't think telepathy worked.

[Hawkman]

Thanks,B4B:. Glad it amused you, although I regret the failure in telepathy. I'm working on cerebrogenic enhancement of my farspeak metafunction but it's early days yet :D I'd probably be wasting my time trying to get anywhere with my creativity though ;)

Live long and prosper - H

[firefangled]

Fun poem, Hawk! Reminds me of my last internet service provider, which nearly drove me to violence.

[Hawkman]

Thanks ff it's nice to know that I'm not singled out for special treatment - lol.

[Haunted]

It's the fault of my ISP I'm afraid, very unreliable and I'm seriously considering taking my custom elsewhere

Hawk, don't delude yourself, they are all the same. Switch to a-not-as-bad service, but you might as well pray to the ISP God. For added measure I suggest a human sacrifice.

[Hawkman]

Thanks for that Haunted, sounds like a plan. I'm just off to sharpen my sacrificial dagger. If you see any 21 year old virgins lying about have them washed and sent to my room... LOL

[cacian]

If it's a cookie, it's a true lemon.

Haha..cafolini this saying is funny:smile5:

[Haunted]

ok Hawk, I'll keep my eyes peeled. Any preference for gender? :D

[Jack of Hearts]

Read this and the comments this morning. Heheh, somebody wrote about porn.

Hawk, you've effectively captured the human drama that is dealing with subpar internet service. Not very many choose to deal with such sensitive subject matter so you're applauded for that. Hopefully it was cathartic. Hopefully the bloodlust has left you know, seeing as you got your 'peach' posted after all.







J

[Hawkman]

haunted: Much as I hate wasting them, female 21year old virgins are rarer and consequently have more potent occult value - LOL

Jack: Thanks, glad you enjoyed it and the subsequent discussion :D for your final question, see above - LOL

Live long and prosper - H

[IceM]

You can have my dial-up connection if you would prefer to switch.

:prrr:

[Hawkman]

I'll pass, thanks.