captivating

[cacian]

standing across the room
and
looking through the glass
the window has in charge
the view of winter flow
orange, dewy, and fern
brush up the pastures green,

looking across the light
and
catching morning glare
across the fountain bay
there stands a tree aloof
leyling across the roof
of harpened garden shed,

looking across the fence
amassed and over grown
surrounded it stands firm
nature ornates and ploughs
adorning implanted weeds
painting a picture dream,

looking across the glass
the window has in charge
dazzled murmurring shines,
and then
high up the lawn
my eyes catches a leaf
about to break and freeze,
lightly it waves and swaves
ripples of backs and forths
descend is slightely weaved
here there and down
it bounced!!
flashing a raptured leap.

[hillwalker]

Unfortunately I found this extremely difficult to follow because of the rather strange expressions you have used. I'm guessing that English is not your mother tongue since some of the lines don't make sense.

H

[cacian]

Unfortunately I found this extremely difficult to follow because of the rather strange expressions you have used. I'm guessing that English is not your mother tongue since some of the lines don't make sense.

H

Hiya

English is my second language indeed.
Thank you for reading my piece and sorry if it does not come easy to read.
:smile5:

[deryk]

Problematic words for me were "charge", "harpened", "ornates", and "swaves" in terms of usage. The sounds were very pretty though in most places. Keep working on it.

[cacian]

Problematic words for me were "charge", "harpened", "ornates", and "swaves" in terms of usage. The sounds were very pretty though in most places. Keep working on it.

Hi Deryk!
Thank you for reading my little piece.
charge: from the expression to be ''in charge'' or ''in control'', so the window is in control of the view outside, as in the camera lense is in control of a scene whilts it is filming. It is an allegory.
to ornate: is to decorate
harpened: is just suggesting the shed has been built and sharpened like a harp to suggest a musical tone to it because the tree branches flop on top of its roof and move to make a sound ( a musical one).
to swave : made up to suggest a back and forth suave movement.

[hillwalker]

It's never a good sign when the writer has to provide footnotes to explain what certain words mean - using language in a pseudo-clever way is only successful when it works. If the reader is left scratching his head or questioning your mastery of English it doesn't. Unfortunately this semantic esperiment seems to have backfired.

H