A Moment

[Alexander III]

From my window I saw her. She stepped out of her house and went under the tree and she played with it's burnt fires of orange and gold. She laughed a little and then left. Forever.

I see the tree everyday from my window. I watch it in all it's different caprices and silks and songs. And I imagine, that there were still those burnt fires and that she was still there laughing and playing. Like a voyeur of that sacred land, where a moment can never end and she can never leave.

[hillwalker]

Very poetic.

H

[cafolini]

Eternity in one moment if more scientific than eternity in the future, which no one can possibly know.
If you look at the arbitrarity of the system for measuring time, you inmmediately realize that there could be as much time in one second as in thousands of years. I don't know anything about the sacredness regarding that. But it is an applicable absolute in that sense.
Nice post.

[Alexander III]

Eternity in one moment if more scientific than eternity in the future, which no one can possibly know.
If you look at the arbitrarity of the system for measuring time, you inmmediately realize that there could be as much time in one second as in thousands of years. I don't know anything about the sacredness regarding that. But it is an applicable absolute in that sense.
Nice post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sljlg5MI76Y

Start watching the video from 1 minute 50 seconds, I think scinece and poesy dont always match :redface:

All kidding aside thank you and H, as always, for the comments

[Buh4Bee]

I enjoyed the romantic undertones of the brief piece.

[WolfLarsen]

The work says a whole lot in a few words. I like it.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Didjya bang her?

[Emil Miller]

A young mans fancy needs must try
To capture loves old mystery
But may find comments quite uncouth
From disrespectful mid-west youth
Who lurk among the girls and boys
Around the state of Illinois.

[kensington]

Didjya bang her?



:lol: :rofl:

[hillwalker]

Didjya bang her?

You know what they say about hecklers - frustrated comics who couldn't even raise a laugh from a jackass.

H

[DieterM]

From my window I saw her. She stepped out of her house and went under the tree and she played with it's burnt fires of orange and gold. She laughed a little and then left. Forever.

I see the tree everyday from my window. I watch it in all it's different caprices and silks and songs. And I imagine, that there were still those burnt fires and that she was still there laughing and playing. Like a voyeur of that sacred land, where a moment can never end and she can never leave.

For so short and poetic a piece (and let me tell you first that I really liked its nostalgic tone), you should make sure that the spelling and grammar are 100% right.

As it is, I think "everyday" in §2 should read "every day" because it's not used as an adjective. In the next sentence, "it's" should be written "its". I'd drop the comma in the following sentence ("And I imagine that...") and continue in the present tense ("…that there are still those burnt fires and that she is still there…").

Apart from those minor quibbles, I really really feel drawn to the story as well as to the narrator. Might be the autumnal weather outside, or the feeling that I've gone through those motions myself. I especially appreciated the image of the tree with "its different caprices and silks and songs".

[Buh4Bee]

But you, HW, are hilarious.

[kensington]

You know what they say about hecklers - frustrated comics who couldn't even raise a laugh from a jackass.

H

What do they say about someone who puts an insulting label on a fellow member of his community who asked an apropo question that happened to be very funny? Perhaps he should have inquired about a "shag" however. :lol:

[Alexander III]

Didjya bang her?

Had I banged her I doubt I would ever have cared for her, know what I mean?


For so short and poetic a piece (and let me tell you first that I really liked its nostalgic tone), you should make sure that the spelling and grammar are 100% right.

As it is, I think "everyday" in §2 should read "every day" because it's not used as an adjective. In the next sentence, "it's" should be written "its". I'd drop the comma in the following sentence ("And I imagine that...") and continue in the present tense ("…that there are still those burnt fires and that she is still there…").

Apart from those minor quibbles, I really really feel drawn to the story as well as to the narrator. Might be the autumnal weather outside, or the feeling that I've gone through those motions myself. I especially appreciated the image of the tree with "its different caprices and silks and songs".

Yes you are right, and I thank you for pointing out my mistakes, sadly I have the grammar comprehension skills of a 5th grader.

[kensington]

Had I banged her I doubt I would ever have cared for her, know what I mean?

Mutatis, you've really got some explaining to do! You opened your mouth and put your foot in it this time! :wink5:

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Curiosity often ends badly for the cat, I guess. :lol:

P.S. I did think the piece was well written.

[kensington]

P.S. I did think the piece was well written.

Absolutely. It is powerful and beautiful.

[Buh4Bee]

At least you are authentic, MM.