mclovin123
11-20-2011, 07:57 AM
Hey guys, I have this peice of courswork for school. It's diary extracts from a character called J.Proctor from the Crucible. I am terrible at english and as a result this is bad. But I would really appriciate some help with it. Could you read and tell me how it could be better? It's currently a D/C grade and I need to bump it to an A grade.
"
John Proctor Diary/Journal
2nd January 1692
This arrenagment with Abby, It has given me some life, yet I feel a creeping unease; I know not where this road will lead me. My body has yearned for comfort for many months, my wife who I still have affection for, has grown colder, more distant, in body and mind, as time has passed. Why should I punish myself for what has happened? Do I not deserve some joy after these many years of virtue? Abigail has worked for me for some time now. She was forthright from the beginning with her intentions; I have never believed that men are the seducers, and in this matter I have no mixed feelings. Abigail became enchanted with me, and pursued me. It was not my doing. A man cannot be expected to survive on the measly morsels of affection that my wife has provided these past few months. I worry that our minds are too different to belong beside each other. I am a man, I require passion, I require excitement! She seems to have little regard for me. I am a man of passion and whilst I have sinned before God it is only because I am human, surely He can understand that? I regret my actions but for what reason? I was led to this, it was not my doing.
10th January 1692 It seems my day of reckoning has arrived now that Elizabeth has discovered my wrong doings. I told my self I would never resort to sin again, I told my self I would respect my bond with Elizabeth yet Abigail's pleasing ways lured me to her once more. A look, just a look passed between Abbey and I and Elizabeth pounced upon me with more spirit than I have seen for many months. She lies in the room above and cries herself sick at my actions. What have I done!? I should have had more control I should have turned away from Abigail. As for Abigail? Elizabeth has turned her from the house and sent her back to Salem. I know she will not speak a word of this to the townsfolk. I do not care much for the men of Salem, but I prefer my name remain in good standing amongst them. She would not speak a word. She would be ruined!, yet if she can drive me to sin, she can surely convince them of my adultery. My lack of commitment to the church has already created some talk in the town. Parris sees my lack of attendance yet cannot see his own un'godly use of power. He runs our church as a business, not a place of prayer. I cannot help but feel a deep pressure upon my self, I have ruined my wife, I hear her cries of despair and I can't help but realise how my betrayal has crushed her. She has showed a lack of affection that is true, but I know I need to treat her with more tenderness. I have not been a good husband these last months, and for that I suffer. I will do all I can to make this matter good. I am determaned!
April 1692
That evil witch! She has accused my wife of witchcraft. It is some weeks since I took up my pen and it seems the whole world is turned upside down. And it is all down to that whore Abigial Williams, I rue the day I took note of that girl. She is evil, pure poisen. My wife lies amongst the accused and tainted in jail and I cannot fathom the fury I shall lay upon the court tomorrow morning. I must gain composure and acknowledge what is best for us, what is best for me. I cannot convince the court of Abigail’s betrayal of justice for they will uncover the truth regarding my lechery. I cannot risk being publicly accused of betraying not only my wife but the law of God.
Mary must speak out, I cannot. Dear Lord watch over Elizabeth for me in that wretched place. Mary must confess! She has no position of authority yet she knows the lies and deceit of Abigail. I must bring her to Salem in the morning and tell her to present to the court the lies that have fuelled this insanity. I know now what I must do, yet I feel fearful of Mary’s weak and fragile character. She must hold to the truth, I must make her speak up. Only she can save my wife and protect my good name.
1st May 1693
What have I been reduced to? I have not written since the night before I was to attend Salem Court with the hopes that that weak, spineless girl would confess the truth. I should have known she would let her fears take priority over justice, I should have confessed. Hayle has been and giveth me these tired and worn scrolles of paper on which to write. This time in Prison has degraded me, I was once a proud man but this place has betrayed me. My trust in this place, these people, in God! It has withered. Yet how can I complain of my situation, I, after all, deserve this. I used to be a man with a good name, yet I know i have sinned. My guilt has been tearing me apart and I can't help but feel horror at the way i treated elizabith and even Mary! Through this dreadful ordeal that culprit has been fuelled by my actions. I broke my bond with Alizabeth, I gave into my lust. I should have gone to Salem. Not once in my life would I have thought I would have letso many down before God.
THE COMMENTARY
Within my creative piece I wanted to illustrate the questionability of John Proctor's moral status as a character. John is commonly perceived as a noble, honourable, and opinioated man who appears to take a stand against the turmoil that occurred during The Salem Wictch trails. I wanted to present him as someone who, whilst on the exterior provides a classical sense of bravery and independance, shies away from acknowledging his short comings and deludes himself by blaming his flaws on others. In my first diary extract I present John in the midst of his affair with Abigail. I wanted him to exude some emotional vunrabiltiy. He feels a strong guilt at his actions but still shows a cold demeaner by forcing the blame upon his wife purely because she has "become more distant in recent months" Whilst through the play Miller presents John heroically my point can be exemplified in John's belittling of Elizabeth An example of this could be the start of Act 2 when he salts the stew, yet patronsignly compliments it's taste and orders the cider she forgot to lay on the table, highlighting how she falls short of his expectations. He is quick to see the faults in others of others but reluctant to see his own.
TEACHER SAID THIS PARTS POINTLESS WHICH I KNOW IT IS, I NEED TO INCLUDE CONTECT BUT HOW DOES THIS RELATE TO MY RECREATIVE PIECE ABOVE?) Miller was inspired to write The Crucible by McCarthyism and within the play mirrors his own attributes with John's, a hero standing up against the manic injustice of their times. As a result of this Miller creates John as a strong tragic hero and many agree with this, for example Michael Billington from the Guardian who described John as a "heroic figure" and suggested that this is in some ways exaggerated in the play.
Whilst I agree with this statement to some extent I have attempted to ensure that whilst John is untimatly a tragic hero he is not without his faults. In my first three diary extracts I wanted to portray him as somewhat villainous rather than heroic. An example of this is the way he seduces Abigail and the way he avoids exposing the truth himself but rather forces Mary Warren to carry out his responsibility. I added a strong sense of irony to my extracts to give John a stubborn persona. This is shown through his constant criticism of Mary Warren, he talks of her "weakness" and "lack of authority" to justify him using her to speak of the lies in court. Yet fails to realise that his criticisms of her are being created to help him forget the fact that he is in fact showing weakness. I agree with Alfred Hickling's statement that "John Proctor is a great, sullen anti-hero; an unrepentant adulterer" Whilst my first three diary extracts support this I do believe Proctor experiences some sense of realisation and as a result redeems himself toward the end of the play. This is suggested in my piece through his final guilt ridden diary entry, in which he describes how his guilt is "tearing him up" and in a cathartic manner acknowledges that he did betray his wife, he did shy away from his responsibilities of justice and truth, and he did treat Abigail with a level of objectivity. This is again solidified in the play by the way he heroically tears up his confession because it is "his name and he cannot have another"
"
John Proctor Diary/Journal
2nd January 1692
This arrenagment with Abby, It has given me some life, yet I feel a creeping unease; I know not where this road will lead me. My body has yearned for comfort for many months, my wife who I still have affection for, has grown colder, more distant, in body and mind, as time has passed. Why should I punish myself for what has happened? Do I not deserve some joy after these many years of virtue? Abigail has worked for me for some time now. She was forthright from the beginning with her intentions; I have never believed that men are the seducers, and in this matter I have no mixed feelings. Abigail became enchanted with me, and pursued me. It was not my doing. A man cannot be expected to survive on the measly morsels of affection that my wife has provided these past few months. I worry that our minds are too different to belong beside each other. I am a man, I require passion, I require excitement! She seems to have little regard for me. I am a man of passion and whilst I have sinned before God it is only because I am human, surely He can understand that? I regret my actions but for what reason? I was led to this, it was not my doing.
10th January 1692 It seems my day of reckoning has arrived now that Elizabeth has discovered my wrong doings. I told my self I would never resort to sin again, I told my self I would respect my bond with Elizabeth yet Abigail's pleasing ways lured me to her once more. A look, just a look passed between Abbey and I and Elizabeth pounced upon me with more spirit than I have seen for many months. She lies in the room above and cries herself sick at my actions. What have I done!? I should have had more control I should have turned away from Abigail. As for Abigail? Elizabeth has turned her from the house and sent her back to Salem. I know she will not speak a word of this to the townsfolk. I do not care much for the men of Salem, but I prefer my name remain in good standing amongst them. She would not speak a word. She would be ruined!, yet if she can drive me to sin, she can surely convince them of my adultery. My lack of commitment to the church has already created some talk in the town. Parris sees my lack of attendance yet cannot see his own un'godly use of power. He runs our church as a business, not a place of prayer. I cannot help but feel a deep pressure upon my self, I have ruined my wife, I hear her cries of despair and I can't help but realise how my betrayal has crushed her. She has showed a lack of affection that is true, but I know I need to treat her with more tenderness. I have not been a good husband these last months, and for that I suffer. I will do all I can to make this matter good. I am determaned!
April 1692
That evil witch! She has accused my wife of witchcraft. It is some weeks since I took up my pen and it seems the whole world is turned upside down. And it is all down to that whore Abigial Williams, I rue the day I took note of that girl. She is evil, pure poisen. My wife lies amongst the accused and tainted in jail and I cannot fathom the fury I shall lay upon the court tomorrow morning. I must gain composure and acknowledge what is best for us, what is best for me. I cannot convince the court of Abigail’s betrayal of justice for they will uncover the truth regarding my lechery. I cannot risk being publicly accused of betraying not only my wife but the law of God.
Mary must speak out, I cannot. Dear Lord watch over Elizabeth for me in that wretched place. Mary must confess! She has no position of authority yet she knows the lies and deceit of Abigail. I must bring her to Salem in the morning and tell her to present to the court the lies that have fuelled this insanity. I know now what I must do, yet I feel fearful of Mary’s weak and fragile character. She must hold to the truth, I must make her speak up. Only she can save my wife and protect my good name.
1st May 1693
What have I been reduced to? I have not written since the night before I was to attend Salem Court with the hopes that that weak, spineless girl would confess the truth. I should have known she would let her fears take priority over justice, I should have confessed. Hayle has been and giveth me these tired and worn scrolles of paper on which to write. This time in Prison has degraded me, I was once a proud man but this place has betrayed me. My trust in this place, these people, in God! It has withered. Yet how can I complain of my situation, I, after all, deserve this. I used to be a man with a good name, yet I know i have sinned. My guilt has been tearing me apart and I can't help but feel horror at the way i treated elizabith and even Mary! Through this dreadful ordeal that culprit has been fuelled by my actions. I broke my bond with Alizabeth, I gave into my lust. I should have gone to Salem. Not once in my life would I have thought I would have letso many down before God.
THE COMMENTARY
Within my creative piece I wanted to illustrate the questionability of John Proctor's moral status as a character. John is commonly perceived as a noble, honourable, and opinioated man who appears to take a stand against the turmoil that occurred during The Salem Wictch trails. I wanted to present him as someone who, whilst on the exterior provides a classical sense of bravery and independance, shies away from acknowledging his short comings and deludes himself by blaming his flaws on others. In my first diary extract I present John in the midst of his affair with Abigail. I wanted him to exude some emotional vunrabiltiy. He feels a strong guilt at his actions but still shows a cold demeaner by forcing the blame upon his wife purely because she has "become more distant in recent months" Whilst through the play Miller presents John heroically my point can be exemplified in John's belittling of Elizabeth An example of this could be the start of Act 2 when he salts the stew, yet patronsignly compliments it's taste and orders the cider she forgot to lay on the table, highlighting how she falls short of his expectations. He is quick to see the faults in others of others but reluctant to see his own.
TEACHER SAID THIS PARTS POINTLESS WHICH I KNOW IT IS, I NEED TO INCLUDE CONTECT BUT HOW DOES THIS RELATE TO MY RECREATIVE PIECE ABOVE?) Miller was inspired to write The Crucible by McCarthyism and within the play mirrors his own attributes with John's, a hero standing up against the manic injustice of their times. As a result of this Miller creates John as a strong tragic hero and many agree with this, for example Michael Billington from the Guardian who described John as a "heroic figure" and suggested that this is in some ways exaggerated in the play.
Whilst I agree with this statement to some extent I have attempted to ensure that whilst John is untimatly a tragic hero he is not without his faults. In my first three diary extracts I wanted to portray him as somewhat villainous rather than heroic. An example of this is the way he seduces Abigail and the way he avoids exposing the truth himself but rather forces Mary Warren to carry out his responsibility. I added a strong sense of irony to my extracts to give John a stubborn persona. This is shown through his constant criticism of Mary Warren, he talks of her "weakness" and "lack of authority" to justify him using her to speak of the lies in court. Yet fails to realise that his criticisms of her are being created to help him forget the fact that he is in fact showing weakness. I agree with Alfred Hickling's statement that "John Proctor is a great, sullen anti-hero; an unrepentant adulterer" Whilst my first three diary extracts support this I do believe Proctor experiences some sense of realisation and as a result redeems himself toward the end of the play. This is suggested in my piece through his final guilt ridden diary entry, in which he describes how his guilt is "tearing him up" and in a cathartic manner acknowledges that he did betray his wife, he did shy away from his responsibilities of justice and truth, and he did treat Abigail with a level of objectivity. This is again solidified in the play by the way he heroically tears up his confession because it is "his name and he cannot have another"