Fragments

[Hawkman]

1

Good intentions pave the road to hell,
or so it’s said.
This slab’s one I recognise -
I laid it well.

2

Staring at the sun will surely blind me,
gazing at the moon will drive me mad,
looking at the stars is for the dreamers;
what will happen when I look at you?

3

Oh no, not the room of doors again,
so many,
and they’re always closed,
so how did I get in?

Nothing left behind me but the wall,
and last time that I looked,
I’d swear,
nothing there at all.

Oh look, a cat,
it's crossing from the left, and black,
though now it seems to be a dog -
and then there’s fog.

4

What are you doing here,
Surely you’ve been dead for years?
And anyway, we never met.

You're just a photo someone kept
to mark the place in books they read
before they slept.

[cafolini]

Fine little pieces on alienation. My interpretation.

[sunshinefish]

A thought provoking poem. My interpretation sinking slowly into madness? would love to know your interpretation.

[Jack of Hearts]

1 is playing with an interesting concept, in the fact the narrator is looking back at decisions made/actions done. That seems to be moving toward the realm of the personal and the intimate- in fact, all your poetry generally seems to be going that way lately and it seems a great way to go.

4 is the most interesting to this reader. But they're all... well... fragments, so it's hard to talk about them in any meaningful way.






J

[MystyrMystyry]

I was thinking 4 was a black and white picture on a dust cover, but on second reflection it may be about a second hand book that came with said picture as a bonus?

I have actual bookmarks, bills, feathers, bus tickets and postcards that were left behind in used and library books - but never a photograph. That would possibly be the weirdest, though it shouldn't be

[DieterM]

We seem to be in a fragmentary mood, Hawkman, and here I declare that I really love your strange fragments. They have a Kafkaesque touch to them. The shorter the piece, the more room for interpretation is left. And the stranger they sound, the deeper the words I feel. And what will indeed happen when you look at the other person? Might be Medusa, after all…

[blank|verse]

Good stuff, Hawk.

I like 1's twisted proverb, helped by the rhymed lines (perhaps you could make lines 2 and 3 rhyme as well?); 2 is a little sentimental, but just about gets away with it!; 3 is the weakest for me, which seems to be recounting a recurring dream, but any real menace that might have been evoked seems to be dissipated by the sarcastic narrator: 'Oh no', etc.

But 4 is the strongest for me, and might be worth pursuing and turning into a longer poem. I was reminded of 'Ghosts' by Charles Simic (http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2003/05/24). (Typo, line 4: "You're" for "Your".) Enjoyable to read them all, though.

[Hawkman]

Thanks cafolini, sunshinefish, JoH, MM, Dieter and b/v.

Not so much on the theme of alientation, at least I didn't think so, they all have different themes, nor really a descent into madness. I guess there's regret in 1 Playfulness in 2, 3 is just a sort of fever dream and 4 is just free-running on a moment.

Not too personal and intimate though Jack ;) MM I like your thinking on 4 and Dieter I like your take on 2. b/v is right in that 3 is definitely the weakest of the four.

Again, Thank you all for reading and commenting.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

I liked the fragmental approach as it was refreshing and especially enjoyed fragment no. 4

[Haunted]

These fragments evoke all different emotions and I enjoyed all of them, even when the last one is saddening, because it's so true.

[Hawkman]

Delta: Thanks for that. Sometimes one just has to jot down these llittle verses, complete,and of themselves. They resist expansion and seem to be quite expressive in their own right. It's nice to give them an airing. I'm glad you found them stimulating, and I rather like 4 myself :)

Haunted: Thanks to you too. I'm happy that you felt able to connect with them.

Live and be well - H

[IceM]

And damn you too for having wonderfully constructed fragments. The latter end of Fragment IV had me reeling with the pain of the person who must suffer that.

[deryk]

These fragments belong on some type of stonework. I read them as fragments of enigmatic engravings.

[Hawkman]

IceM & Deryk...

Thank you both. I guess they take you to some place in your imaginations. It dosen't matter where - only that you take the journey :)

Live and be well - H